Rubble: Devil's Rose #12

Chapter 15: Alice Owens

"I don't think it's only the fucking you like when it comes to Rubble," Hazel points out as she wipes the messy desks off at the end of the day.

"Rubble and I can talk to each other about anything and everything, that's great, but it's mostly about the sex," I reply, throwing the large Lego blocks back in the bin after sanitizing them.

"He cares so much about you, you should see where it goes."

"What if he doesn't feel the same way? He wasn't for the sex in the first place and then changed his mind."

"Because he wanted something more long-term. What if that long-term is you? What if that's why he changed his mind? Cause he realized he wants you."

"Hazel, he wants me in one way and one way only. I want him in one way and one way only. We're happy with that."

"You might be pretending you're happy with that and so could he," she argues with a shrug.

"I'm not lying to myself."

"Alice, you most definitely are. But I support you in that decision if you really want that. If all you really want is sex, then do it, but don't hold yourself back cause you're scared."

I know she's right, but I don't care. It's not like Nick has given me a reason to think that he wants more. We've always cared about each other, the sex is just an add-on to our relationship, another layer of intimacy. But I don't think that's a cue to think that he's interested in anything other than sex.

While I do feel like we've gotten closer, and that I have some unrequited and not fully discovered feelings for Nick, I'm not sure if I want something long-term. I don't know if I can give him what he wants if long-term is what he's looking for.

I was looking for sex in the beginning and was just casual about if we started getting feelings for one another. Our agreement was to just go with it if we start to have feelings, but clearly, he's interested in something less than casual.

I can't just say outright that I want to be his Old Lady.

I hear the rumble of motorcycle engines outside the school, and my heart races, knowing that Nick is here. I'm sure, by her reaction to the sound of the motorcycles, that Hazel still feels the same with Tank.

She's such a tough gal. She not only had to deal with two brothers growing up, but she also had to deal with big-city middle school students. I couldn't do that. I feel really grateful that I have someone like her in my life.

She's taught me a lot about being true to myself and just feeling what I'm feeling even if it's something I don't want to feel. Especially coming out of my accident, I wanted to be around someone who didn't know me before.

Someone who just knew me as I am today, the after, and she was healthy enough to accept me but also say I could be more. It's also good to see her react to Tank as if they've been separated for weeks when it's only been a six-hour day.

She runs up to him and gives him a big hug even now.

Tank and Hazel practically push Nick and me out of the room to finish cleaning up the mess left. Nick seems okay going along with it, but even though I feel weird about leaving with the job not done, the constant reassurance from Tank and Hazel helps.

Nick wraps an arm around my waist and places a light kiss on my head, calming me even more. Goddamn, this man really knows me.

"I have dinner, sunshine. Figured we could take a ride somewhere."

"What do you have?" I ask, extremely curious just how well he knows me.
"Italian. What else would there be?"

So he definitely knows me.

"Wait, my car though," I announce, panicking slightly.

"I was thinking of you driving back to your place, dropping it off, and then we get on my bike, but we can do that differently if you want," he explains, easing my worries instantly.

He opens my car door for me and closes it gently once I'm inside. Following behind him, we make our way back to my apartment building. I park my car in the parking lot and then make my way back up the main road to meet him.

He hands me my motorcycle helmet and helps put it on me. I've only ridden on his motorcycle, any motorcycle actually, about three times which is not enough to know how to put on a helmet.

There's a lot of looping that has to happen that I'm still figuring out how to do, so I just let him do it for me. I mean, why not? He's literally so much better at it because he's done it way longer and way many more times than I ever will.

Plus, it makes me feel things when he does. I put one hand on his shoulder and swing my left leg over the back of the bike, effectively straddling him. I place my arms around his waist and settle in. I know that I'm perfectly safe with him driving this thing. He wouldn't put in a bad situation.

I totally trust his judgment too. He knows what he's doing. All I have to do is lean when his body leans and pay attention to what he's doing.

We weave along the forest roads, with barely anyone else on the road, as the sun begins to set over the horizon. By the time we get to the perfect spot for Italian, the stars have come out, lighting up the sky, the moon about halfway through its fullness.

The hills roll below us, the lights of the city not even being able to drown out the light of the stars. We sit on top of the picnic table, food in our laps, and Coca-Cola in hand. I take a sneak peek of Nick, but he's gazing up at the stars, his food already gone after twenty minutes.

"Nick?"

"Yes, baby?"

I love it when he calls me that.

It's different that he's calling me that now because that's usually a bedroom thing, but I'm not mad about it. Not mad at all. Although, I do like "sunshine" when we are in front of other people.

Baby is too intimate in the relationship we have right now. And that's Reaper's nickname for Fiona, so that's sort of designated for them in public settings. Just another wack thing about the Devil's Rose MC.

"Do you ever wish you met me before my car accident?"

"I for sure wish I met you sooner in my life, but it has nothing to do with your car accident. That doesn't define who you are. It didn't change your core values or your kindness or the expanse of your heart. I'm sure you do things differently in life now, but you're still Alice."

Was I expecting a different answer? I'm not entirely sure. I don't know why I asked the question in the first place. I guess I see the person I was before the accident as separate from the person I am after the accident because I feel like I changed so much.

And yeah, in some ways, I'm seriously not the person I used to be, but I never thought about what I've been taught. I still do believe in the same things, and I still love the same things I used to.

I love it more now. I look at life in a different way, but that doesn't mean that I'm a separate person from who I used to be. That person led me through some hard moments too.

"I just can't be the person that I was earlier in life, and sometimes I feel like I should be."

"But the things that are most important, you're still the same person. Like I said. If you're worried about people wanting to be who you were 'before' then the people that make you feel that way aren't people you shouldn't be surrounding yourself with."

"It's literally no one but me."

"Well then, you should treat yourself nicer."