Rubble: Devil's Rose #12

Chapter 24: Alice Owens

"Peeing on the stick was so odd," I announce to the group as I sip on the hot chocolate.

The tests are sitting on my bathroom counter as we wait in the living room. I felt the need to separate myself from them, I just thought it would make it easier. But I still feel like I'm about to throw up.

"Why?"

"Because I didn't think I would have to do this until I was thirty. It's weird doing it at twenty-five. Is twenty-five young for children?"

"We're all sort of biased in that regard I think," June answers, clearly thinking about the three of them and their children.

"Well, I never had any biological kids of my own," Kate starts, "Bruce already had his with his ex before I met him."

"And Vegas and I adopted our three kids. Who are now grown," June adds, wiping away a non-existent tear on her cheek.

"They're literally in college, and you adopted them when they were fifteen and sixteen," Kate teases, shoving June's shoulder lightly.

"It doesn't make it any easier," June huffs back.

"You need a tissue for your fake tears," Kate says back.

"I love my children, Kate!" June practically shrieks, getting annoyed.

"Alright, alright," Kate gives in, hands up in a surrender position.

"Bay and Rhodes are and forever will be my children," June concludes, giving us the names of her sons for full effect.

"And Tank and I had our children when I was thirty-three and he was just turning forty," Hazel adds, shrugging her shoulders.

So, I'm asking the wrong people this question.

At least my frontal lobe has fully developed. And that I wanted children in the future anyway. It might just be happening sooner than expected.

The timer for the three minutes goes off, and I can barely stand up I'm so scared to check. But I want it to be. I don't want anyone to know before me, so I have to do this. I have to know if I'm pregnant.

Knowing won't change anything, I'll still be pregnant or not pregnant either way. It's better to be informed than walking in blind. I have to know. I am strong enough to know, and I'm not alone. People have my back.

With each step I take, my brain gets foggier, every thought concerned on just taking another step. I get to the bathroom and take a deep breath. I can absolutely do this, no matter what happens, no matter what I find out.

I close the bathroom to have a moment completely to myself, a moment that can't be interrupted. I stare down at the three tests that I took and see double lines on all of them.

Holy fuck, I'm pregnant.

I don't even know what to feel right now. For one, I'm terrified, but I'm also excited and happy. Definitely more terrified than happy. I'm going to be fully honest about that because I was seriously not expecting this at all in my life right now.

I'm still stunned that this is even happening. However, when I lay my hand on my lower stomach, it feels like it was sort of meant to be. That this was supposed to happen.

I hear a knock on the door and know that the three women would like an answer.

"I'm pregnant," I announce softly but enough for them to hear me.

It's weird saying it out loud. It makes it all the more real.

I have to tell Nick too.

"How are you feeling about that?" Kate asks.

"Scared and worried and happy and stunned and I couldn't be more excited."

"Yeah, that's how it should be," Hazel concludes, the expert on that out of the four of us.

I open the bathroom door, confused and happy tears on my cheeks. I'm wrapped in a tight hug before they hand me my cup of hot chocolate back.

We cuddle on the couch for a couple of hours while we watch a show, and they just listen to me blurt out all the emotions I'm feeling when I need to.

They don't get mad about it or get frustrated with having to pause the Arrested Development episode every five minutes.

They let me process what I need to process. And I couldn't be more grateful for them. But when it starts to become dinner time, I hear the rumble of motorcycles, announcing the presence of their men.

With a final squeeze, they leave me alone, the emptiness of my apart hitting me all at once.

I have a little tiny fetus inside me. Well, I'm guessing it's really just a bundle of cells at this point, or really nothing at all, but it's so crazy that this happening to me. This is happening to Nick and I.

I hope he's happy that it is. I mean, I would be okay with him also being terrified and stunned and confused and even angry honestly. I wouldn't be frustrated at all if he felt any of those things. I just hope that eventually, we can figure out what's best for the both of us.

I'm not even sure what I want to do yet. I sort of feel bad for having a glass of wine the first night when I didn't get my period. I didn't know I was pregnant though, and it was only one glass.

I don't think that's going to do anything to the fetus. I think our baby will be okay.

Well, shit, I think my mind knows what it wants.

I need to tell Nick, and I need to tell him soon. It has to be by tomorrow. Maybe I'll gain the courage in the middle of the night. I just have to tell him.

I have to do it before anyone else finds out, which no one will because I know that Kate, Hazel, and June will keep it quiet. And even if they do tell their partners, Bear, Tank, and Vegas know better than to say anything until I'm ready.

Or at least until Nick knows. I'm not going to have alcohol, but I could really use a shot of vodka right about now. I think it would calm my nerves about a thousand percent.

Sitting down on my couch, I finish the last of the hot chocolate and lay down, my hand over my lower stomach once again. I stare up at the ceiling, thinking about what comes next.

I have to tell Nick, and then we have to decide what we want to do. And if we decide to keep the baby, we have so many people we need to tell and a million things to prepare for.

Where are we going to live? Like we aren't at the stage where we are going to move in together? I don't even know if he loves me let alone wants to spend part of his life raising a child with me.

If we decide to not have the baby, then we have to figure out how I'm going to have an abortion. Or I could have the baby and then someone could adopt our child?

Do I have to tell people that I was even pregnant in the first place, and we decided not to have the baby?

I don't know what to do. And the person I would go to is the person I'm scared to tell.

Why does this have to be so complicated? Why do Nick and I have to be mis communicating right now? Because if we weren't, and we both knew how we felt, I think this would be so much easier.

We just have to talk to one another. We have to come clean about what we are really feeling between us, whatever that may be, and then we can decide what to do about me being pregnant.

I don't have to say anything about the pregnancy until we talk about everything else. That way I know how to approach telling him. I have to call him. I am strong enough to call the father of the baby that's beginning to grow within me.

Even though it's actually not a baby at all. I know Nick. He's probably as frustrated as I am about our inability to talk to one another. He wants to be able to communicate, the same as me. I can do this.