Rubble: Devil's Rose #12

Chapter 31: Alice Owens

"We aren't sure," I reply to Tank, knowing that Nick has more complicated issues around it than I do.

He's overthinking it. I think we are happy the way we are now, I don't see a reason to get married.

Nick is thinking about things that don't matter in the long run because we can afford to pay our taxes, we can pay for our kids' college, and we have the privilege of not having to be worried about finances.

He agrees that we don't need to get married because we already know that we are one hundred percent committed to each other through this life and beyond it. That's good enough for me, and I know that's all Nick wants too.

Old Lady status around here is practically marriage. I don't need, and I know Nick doesn't feel like we need, to sign a paper that designates us as married. I'm content with the way that we are, more than content.

"I fully support the long-term partner thing," Hazel chimes in, as if they have to prove they aren't judging.

I know that they aren't. It's genuine curiosity, and I think that's totally understandable. I would be curious too, just not brave enough to ask.

Sometimes I think about Major and Violet, and whether or not they want to have kids, but I also think that it's not my place to ask.

I want them to be happy always, so whatever makes them happy, I support that. I just have never heard Major's opinions on children, and I wonder if they share a similar view.

Tank gives her a side-eye expression.

"Hazel, we're married?" he asks with his voice filled with concern.

"I meant for them, Tank, I'm happy I'm married to you."

She speaks so softly and tenderly to him, but I know on the inside she's dying to roll her eyes and laugh at him. She respects that he actually feels worried, even though he has no reason to be, so she answers in a different tone than she wants to.

We talk with them for a few more minutes while playing with Ethan and Ellie, and then it's time for dessert. I have never seen so many sweets in my life, I'm slightly overwhelmed by it. I have no idea what to pick.

Subconsciously, I lay a hand on my lower stomach, and the thoughts that are trying to talk myself out of eating dessert start. Fuck, I don't know exactly why I feel this way.

Ellie's pregnancy was insanely difficult for me. My healthcare team assured me that Ellie would be okay, and she is. I had a few complications during the birth along with my too early dilation during pregnancy.

For some reason, I think that's really taken a toll on me. I felt confident with Ethan because my first pregnancy and birth were the traditional experience. It was a painful labor but it went smoothly. There wasn't much I had to be worried about with my boy.

With Ellie though, I feel like I failed in providing her a safe entry into the world. I failed my daughter before she was even before. Partly, my body was making decisions that I had no control over, so I know that it's not truly my fault.

But in these moments, it's hard to convince yourself of it. It makes me question how well I'll be able to protect her now, as she grows up.

I feel a hand on my shoulder and a plate being placed in my hands. Alpha pats my shoulder and walks away without a word. I smile after him as he goes toward Persephone, handing her a small plate of sweets as well.

I take a deep breath and find my way back to Nick, Ethan, and Ellie who are sharing one plate piled full.

Nick is careful to only give Ellie a little bit of pudding so as to not feel left out cause then she would start crying like crazy, but he lets Ethan to go wild on the sweets, knowing that he'll crash sooner than later.

I think Ethan having a sugar crash will be our "it's time to go everyone" message. We don't give our children a lot of sweets. I mean, obviously they can have a little after dinner, but Nick and I believe that healthy food habits now will lead to healthy food habits later.

Ethan might also hate that we restricted how much candy he ate when he was five, so maybe that'll be all he eats as a grown adult.

Neither of us had any idea, but that's one thing our parents did right for us, so we thought we would try implementing it as well.

And right now, Ethan is eating a giant plate of sweets, so it's not like we restrict it at all times. The kid is allowed to have some crash-and-burn moments.

"Alice," Piper announces herself to me, "how are you?"

"Hi! I'm great! What's going on? Enjoying yourself?"

"Having a ton of fun, babe! Wanna come chat with the girls?" she nods her head toward a group of the Old Ladies consisting of Fiona, Beatrice, and Iris.

I head over there with Piper, feeling like I should get to know Fiona and Beatrice more because even though I know them well, I'm not as close to them as I would like to be.

Fiona instantly wraps me up in a hug, Beatrice sending me a smile.

"How are you doing after your second pregnancy? I know this was a more difficult one, so we all wanted to check in," Fiona questions me delicately.

"Honestly? Not the greatest. My body issues are pretty intense. It's just a general lack of confidence in all areas of myself and motherhood," I admit, not feeling a reason to hide my true feelings around them.

"Understandable for sure," Iris butts in which I'm surprised about.

She never seemed to have issues after any of her four children.

"I think we've all felt that way at some point," Beatrice adds, "an inevitability in motherhood. But also, it's your brain telling you a lie because we're strong as motherfuckers for giving birth. I think our brain takes advantage of a really hormonal and complex moment."

"Our bodies are trying to heal after a huge change. Hormonal and otherwise, but you're tired, and even if your partner watches the baby, you're still tired cause the baby is going to need you. It's a cycle of tired," Fiona goes on.

"And it's hard to control your thoughts along with everything else," Iris continues.

"But we really aren't what our brains are saying. It's a big fucking lie to throw us off when really, every single one of us is a good fucking mom," Piper concludes, and I see what Nick did for me.

This is why I love him so very much. I think he must have said something to Violet first because he knew that she would get that information to the right people.

And they both did. I guess I am in a delicate moment, and I need to give myself more grace for the incredible thing that I did. I don't know why that was so hard for me to realize earlier.

And it's going to take time, but at least I know I'm truly not alone, I don't think I ever actually thought I was.

About an hour later, as the sun finishes setting, Ethan crashes more than burns which was definitely people's cue to leave. We thank them for coming as Ethan stays asleep on the lawn, Ellie getting tired as well.

But it's not like the other kids aren't ready to go home either, so it ended up being perfect timing. Ethan is carried up to bed by Nick, and he stays asleep the entire time, except for when he has to brush his teeth.

We just take off his shoes but have him sleep in the clothes he was running around in, both of us too lazy to try and change him.

Ellie suckles on her bottle of baby formula - I decided not to breastfeed either of my children - to calm herself down while Nick and I talk quietly about random videos on the internet.

The ones he sends me. I honestly think we talk about it so that he can test if I've actually watched them. I love him so much.