Everything We Always Were

One: Betrayal

You know how in your childhood and teen years, most people have a best friend? Maybe it was your mom's best friend's kid that you lived next door to, or a random kid from kindergarten that you shared your graham crackers with. Something like that. A friend where usually, by high school, you have either had a falling out or just drifted apart.

I had one of those friends. His name is James Frier. We became friends on the playground when I dropped my sandwich in the mulch and started crying, so he offered me half of his.

We spent all of our time together from that day in first grade until right before the end of 8th grade. Up until that point, we were both prepubescent teens who didn't understand that girls and boys "can't be just friends". That was kind of what started our falling out.

Now I can't stand him.

It's the first semester of junior year and so far, I haven't had to deal with him at all. No classes together, never really pass him in the halls and when I do, he's too busy with his friends to bother looking at me.

It's better that way because if he ever said anything to me I would probably rip his balls off. Metaphorically, of course, with my words.

Maybe it's a little dramatic but you don't know what he did.

Even though no one talks about it anymore, every day since 8th grade I have felt their stares, felt the words that linger behind them. Whore. Slut.

Every girl has that happen to them at some point, right?

Right?

Well, today is the day my life is officially ruined.

When James walked into my 3rd hour class on the first day of the semester, I held my breath. I prayed that he wouldn't see me.

But of course, he did. And of course, his best friend, Cole, was right next to him, both grinning from ear to ear as they noticed the two empty seats in front of me at the same time that I did.

I seal my lips together tightly as James flings his backpack onto the floor next to the desk in front of me, and Cole does the same to the desk in front of James.

"Hey, Delia." James grins as he turns around in his chair.

The bell saves me from wiping that grin off his face and our teacher stands and starts spewing things that every other classroom in the school is hearing right now. Syllabus and reading list for the semester, how the seats we chose today will be our seats for the rest of the semester. Which is just fantastic.

The rest of the hour I spend scribbling in my notebook, half notes on what the teacher is saying, half doodles, and random cursive practice.

When the bell rings, my things are already in my backpack and it's on my shoulder. I practically run out of the classroom and into the quickly filling hallway and disappear.

One benefit of being 5'3" is being able to disappear in a crowd.

Fourth hour is my study hall so I make my way to my locker to put books away and grab my reading book before beelining down the main hall and out the front doors.

No one else is in the courtyard, most of the time the courtyard dwellers don't fall in until the second week of school, after they catch up with their art friends or stoner buddies.

I send a quick text to the group chat with my two best friends:

Fran, I'll be in the courtyard when you're done with your boyfriend, also James is in my 3rd hour and he sits right in front of me.

A few seconds later my phone vibrates and I look at the text coming in from Veronica.

Oh no, did he say anything to you Dels? Also, I think Fran is in the library with RJ.