Everything We Always Were

Twenty Three: Sharing

 It's been a week since the breakup and not a word from CJ. He sent me a few drunken messages on Halloween and on Sunday I finally just bit the bullet and blocked him on everything. James and I got together the few things that CJ left at my house and dropped them off at his front door on Wednesday.

Luckily, I never left anything at his house.

Obviously, people had heard about what happened in school. I got a lot of looks and a few random people who came up to me to tell me that I'm strong and other bullshit.

CJ wasn't in school until Thursday, and I only saw him once. He didn't seem angry or upset, just neutral. Which was almost scarier.

I had spent almost every night at the barn, and a few of those times James stayed too, but he usually arrived late if he had a shift so I haven't really had alone time with him aside from the car rides to and from school.

I have also effectively ignored and avoided the small scare with feelings that happened on Halloween in the clearing.

By the time 4 pm came around today, Saturday, I had decided to stay home, and just spend the day relaxing.

It wasn't an hour later that James texted me.

Are you up to anything? Got sent home early, with nothing to do at work.

I ignore the increase in my heartbeat. I'm excited to say yes and hang out with him. I miss my best friend, that's all.

Although, I can't lie, the way he has been acting and treating me since the whole CJ thing is pretty attractive. He has always been attractive.

I can't let myself get any kind of hope because I'm obviously not his type.

Not up to anything.

I'll pick you up in 10.

I smile to myself and practically launch myself out of bed and into my closet. I can't let myself overthink this.

Finally, I settled on a pair of jeans and a plain white t-shirt.

I already knew James was here when he texted me, I watched him pull into the driveway from my window. My bag is slung over my shoulder as I lock the front door behind me. It's drizzling out but I don't think it's supposed to downpour.

"Where are we headed?"

"I know a spot," He smiles, putting the car in drive.

The 'spot' was incredible. It was a 10-minute drive up the mountain, and then a 20-minute walk in the near pitch-black Pacific Northwest night.

We made it with barely a scratch and a lot of laughs on the way, and when we arrived I couldn't hold back my gasp. "Wow."

How did he find this? It reminds me of the clearing by the barn but much larger with a creek running through the middle. The trees are moss-covered and multiple stories tall. The moonlight streams through the leaves and branches above us, crickets and the rustle of the leaves making the whole experience even more real.

There are mossy boulders and logs all over, and the clearing most definitely isn't flat.

"This isn't all," James smiles, holding his hand out to me. "Watch your step,"

I take his hand and keep my eyes on my feet, letting him guide me upwards through slippery roots and rocks.

"Okay, we made it."

Looking up, the first thing I notice is that I can place the source of the sound. I could hear running water the entire way, and now I know why. The incline we went up was alongside a waterfall. I can't see the top of it still, the hillside covered in slanting, bendy trees and moss, and it's not super wide making it seem naturally occurring.

"How did you find this?" I ask, in awe of the natural beauty in front of me.

"I don't really remember, I just remember going for a walk on one of my bad days and ending up here." James has a soft look in his eyes when I look up at him and it makes my heart skip a small beat. "I've come a few other times, too."

As we take in our surroundings, the drizzle from earlier reappears, this time a little heavier as it patters on the leaves above us and the rocks below us.

"Let's go back down before it gets too wet,"

I let him lead me back down to the creek and clearing as the rain persists but doesn't get heavier. Taking a minute to look around, I can feel his eyes on me and I ignore it. "This is so pretty,"

"Mhm," He hums, hands in his pockets.

"Thank you for sharing it with me," I offer him a cheesy smile which is quickly returned before he turns away to look back at the sky.

"I love sharing with you," He laughs a little and I turn my head upwards too, to enjoy whatever he sees.

Through the raindrops, the stars shine and twinkle in the black sky, clouds rolling in at a steady pace. Maybe we will get a storm.

"Looks like those clouds are heading to us," James points at the same patch of dark clouds I was just looking at and I nod although he can't see me, "Should have checked the weather beforehand," He laughs a little more heartily this time and shoots me a dazzling smile which I can barely tear my eyes away from.

"It's fine, this was still so cool,"

The smile on his face seems semi-permanent as he guides us back down the path we took to get up here. About halfway down, another solid ten minutes of wet path ahead of us to the car, the rain gets heavier. The soft pattering turned into hard-hitting, big raindrops, pounding on the trees and on us.

My jeans are the first clothing item to feel drenched, which makes the walk to the car feel much longer. I regret wearing a white t-shirt, not only for the fact that it's now wet and could potentially be see-through but because it's not enough coverage for fall rain. Goosebumps cover my arms and I shiver as we finish a dangerous decline and hit flat ground.

"Are you cold?" James asks, a chuckle following. "You never wear a jacket," Before I could refuse or say anything at all, he slipped his jacket from his shoulders and draped it over mine. It's a heavy, durable coat, which he has been wearing a lot since it started getting cold and I assume is some kind of auto shop worker style. It smells of him and the scent overwhelms me as the coat weighs down on my shoulders. It's obviously too big for me, and the hem rubs against my thighs, making me feel like a child.

"Sorry, I just didn't think it would rain, I would have been fine if it didn't,"

"No problem, I'm not cold at all." He smiles again.

He was always a walking heater, just giving off heat waves no matter the time of the year. When we were younger, I thought he only wore a coat so that he didn't stand out against all of the other bundled-up students in the fall and winter every year.

The car waits for us in the hiking trails parking lot and James quickly pulls some towels out of the back to put on the seats so they don't get soaked.

"I'll take you home, sorry for the unnecessary shower," His joke makes me genuinely laugh and it feels fantastic.

I missed this. I missed everything about our friendship. Everything that we always were, and more. He is my best friend, in so many ways and the past 11 months, and longer, without him, was worse than I originally thought.

There is never any embarrassment with him, I can be my true self and not have to worry about him judging me because he has it worse.

I can't wait to spend the rest of senior year with him by my side like it should be.