Trauma a Sabriel Highschool Au

6. talking

Sam stood outside the open door, waiting for Gabriel tonsay something.

"Um...hi? Can I come in?"

Gabriel didn't speak as he opened the door wider, allowing Sam entry.

"What are you doing here?"

Sam glanced around the house, looking very uncomfortable.

"Where is everyone?"

Gabriel glared at him.

"Dad is at work, Cas is with friends, Lucifer is at college.  Roll call over Sam, what do you want?"

Sam seemed to relax a little. He looked down at Gabriel's arm, noticing it had been cleaned and wrapped.

"You got it looked at? That's good."

"OH for God sake! Sam why are you here?"

Sam seemed to remember that it was not normal for him to be in Gabriel's livingroom and looked away sheepishly.

"I wanted to apologize. You were right, I had no right to demand anything from you after what I did. And I wanted to apologize for outing you. I never should have done that. And I wanted to see if you were okay.  You were really upset when you left school."

Gabriel sighed, sitting back on the couch, he motioned for Sam to sit down too. He took the other end of the couch, waiting for Gabriel to speak.

"Sam look. I don't know why you decided you suddenly care again, but I have enough to deal with. I don't need you popping up and acting like you give a crap about me and then go back to pretending I don't exist. So before you start trying to get inside my head, I need you to pick a damn side. Do you want to be the person who outed me to everyone and left me alone? Or do you want to be my friend. Because I don't know if I can take losing you again. So if that is what is going to happen,  then I need you to just leave now, before you get my hope up."

Sam thought about it. He want sure if he could let himself get as close as they were before, but after his session with Rowena this afternoon, he knew that he missed having Gabriel as his friend. Sam did something that he hadn't done since he left the hospital.  He stood up, removing his jacket. The short sleeve shirt underneath revealing the 8 jagged scars on his arms. Gabriel stared at them, his chest squeezing the same way it had when he caught a glimpse of them that first time. He had the urge to reach out and touch them, but he didn't want to upset Sam by doing so.

"Michael said you were in the hospital."

Gabriel hadn't meant to reveal that he knew, but he couldn't help it. His filter had failed him. Sam didn't seem surprised, he figured Michael had told Sam about their conversation.

"Yeah. I don't have any family to go visit. I was in the ICU, then the Psych ward for the summer.  I got out the week before school started."

Gabriel nodded, remembering how excited he had been when Sam had returned home. Sam expected Gabriel to ask him why he did it, but instead he asked something else.

"Did you really want to die?"

Sam didn't know how to respond. He thought for a few minutes before answering.

"I don't know. I think at the time, I just wanted everything to stop. I wanted the pain to end. There didn't seem to be another way out."

Something changed in Gabriel's eyes, for some reason Sam felt like he had given the boy the wrong answer.

"Do you?"

Gabriel didn't speak, making Sam feel like he needed to know the answer to his question more than anything else.

"Gabriel. Do you want to die?"

"I....I don't know..."

His voice cracked. He hunched over as if the pain he was feeling was to much to bear. His body shook with sobs. No one had bothered to ask him that. To ask him if he wanted out, if he needed an out. Everyone just told him it would be okay and it would get better. But having someone ask him if he wanted to die, it made him think about if that was what he had been trying to do. If he had been working himself up to it. He was scared of the possibility, that he may have been planning his death without realizing it.

Sam hesitated for a moment, then pulled the smaller boy into his lap, hugging him. He hated himself for being the cause of this, he hated what had happened to his friend. He wanted to undo it, but he knew that wasn't possible.  Instead, he decided that he would do his best to fix it. He would be someone who Gabriel could trust again.  Sam felt his own eyes prick with tears as he tried to calm Gabriel down. They sat like that for a while, Sam holding Gabriel, and Gabriel crying. They only pulled away when sam noticed that Gabriel's arm had started bleeding again.

"Gabe your arm."

Gabriel looked down, cursing softly.

"Stay here."

Sam got up, making his way to the kitchen where he knew their dad kept first aid supplies. He pulled out what he needed before going back to the couch. He laid the bandages on the couch, waiting for Gabriel to give him his arm.

Gabriel sighed and laid his arm out for Sam. He unwrapped old bandage, his eyes widening at all the marks on Gabriel's arm. He went to work cleaning it up and rewrapping it.

"How long?"

"Couple weeks"

Gabriel saw no point lying. It didn't matter anyways, there was no undoing it now. Sam finished up and threw away the old bandage. He went back to his spot on the couch.

"And the drinking?"

Gabriel shrugged, not sure exactly when he had started that.

"Longer."

Gabriel expected Sam to start in the same way Cas always did.  To tell him that he needed to stop and that it wasn't okay, but instead, Sam just nodded. They sat back on the couch, focusing on the TV until it grew dark outside. Neither boy spoke again until they heard the door open and Castiel walked in, Dean following behind him. The four boys looked at each other, no one speaking for a minute. Dean smiled slightly when he noticed that sam wasn't hiding in a jacket, but it fell when he saw the bandage on Gabriel's arm. Castiel didn't comment, he knew what was underneath, he was more confused by Sam's presence.

"Gabriel?"

Castiels voice was full of concern. Gabriel looked at his brother,  a slight smile on his face. Castiel hadn't seen him smile in so long that he didn't know what to say.

"I'm good."

Gabriel knew that after the winchesters left, Cas would have many questions,  but for now, he and Dean just went up to his room,  leaving Sam and Gabriel on the couch. Gabriel noticed that sam had started to nod off. He shook him gently, causing him to wake up.

"You should go home."

Sam nodded, a yawn escaping him. He stood, grabbing his jacket.

"See you tomorrow?"

He sounded almost nervous. Gabriel smiled more, nodding.

"Yeah. I'll see you tomorrow. "

Sam smiled back and left, heading home. Gabriel made his way up to his room, deciding that he needed to sleep as well. He fell unconscious as soon as he laid down.