Broken Innocence

9. By my side

Having a parent walk out on you, no matter how old you are, the feeling never gets easier. It's difficult to describe, it's not like they are dead. But to a child, sometimes that's easier than knowing the truth.

If they were dead, at least you have an explanation. They didn't choose to leave you. It wasn't your fault. Whereas if they just leave, what are you left with?

The worst feeling of all is when you think about them daily. Yet in the back of your mind you're questioning if they even remember your name. Have they completely moved on? Maybe started a new family? Do they know when it's my birthday? Or even think of me at all?.

The way people deal with that kind of thing is different to others. Some may completely loose themselves, while others pretend not to care.

It may not be on their faces, but trust me it's in their hearts. In their minds and memories of the things they missed. The things they didn't get to do.

For Reece, it was more about betrayal. He loved his mother with everything he had, and Autumn did too. But she left them. She left them in the hands of their father whom she knew would hurt them. Reece tried to understand his mother. He tried to reason with her wanting to leave and get away from Roger. But away from her kids?
Why didn't she take us with her?

As Reece grew older, he began to loose trust in people. There were two people he trusted. Mia and Autumn. Two people who wouldn't leave him. Everyone else, why would they want to stay?

Autumn was so young at the time. She barely even understood what was happening. She was just a child and yet whenever she cried out for her mother at night, Roger would not stand for it. "If you don't stop crying, I'll give you something to cry about" not even Reece was aloud to comfort his baby sister. As Autumn grew up, she found it easier to not show emotion at all. Maybe because of all the emotions she was not aloud to feel as a child, maybe because 'emotions make you weak' and she was far from weak. Whatever it was, she kept her feelings buried low.

Amelia did care. She cared so much. All she ever wanted was her dad to come back. For her mum to see her as her daughter and not her rival. To be shown a little love. Instead she began to search for it else where, teachers, older men, any bit of attention she could grasp onto. She was so desperate for that feeling of just being wanted. She would do whatever, change herself however, say anything to get it. And of course, "people only want you if you're pretty"

Usually, it's not about how you feel or think, it's about how you portray it. How you cope. For Reece, he worked hard. So hard. He wanted to prove himself. Prove he was good enough for something. Someone. There has to be something better out there. You just have to try, right?

Autumn, despite drowning herself in the overload, tried. She tried and she tried and yet, it was not good enough. This was the same for her brother, yet she was slowly loosing the motivation to try. Her mind was haunted with the thoughts, slowly destroying her soul. Taking over her mind. 'I'll never be good enough'

Autumn was much like her older brother, but she also had Mia in her too. Whether it was good or bad, it was there. The way she started hating the thought of herself. Just like her unbiological sister.

Amelia used to try. She used to believe there was something else out there. In fact, she used to be the positive ray of sunshine Reece needed so badly. Oh how times change. Now Mia knew she was a lost cause. She knew there was nothing. This is it for her. Reece would go far and see things and be someone. Autumn still had that innocence in her eyes, she still had a chance. But for Mia, this is all she had. Some people can't be saved.

...

How do you sleep at night?
Calm and head clear.
While I'm lying awake
Full of thoughts and fear.

I sometimes try to help you,
Why? I'm not really sure.
But maybe there's a reason
For you walking out the door.

You may not have wanted me,
Or needed me at all.
But I was just a child.
And I needed someone to call.

Instead I did it on my own,
I grew up way too fast.
I had to raise myself
I had to put you in my past.

But I could never really let go,
No matter how hard I tried.
All I really wanted,
Was you by my side.

—-
A/N
Hello my loves, I don't want to add too many of these and just let you all read but I did want to say thank you for reading :)

Also, the poem above, I did write myself. I know it's not amazing I am far from a poet but yeah, okay anyway, hope you enjoy the story.
Xoxo-I