Blurred Lines

Chapter 23 - Illicit Affairs

November 12, 1992

Marlena's Lakehouse

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Make sure nobody sees you leave

Hood over your head

Keep your eyes down

Tell your friends you're out for a run

You'll be flushed when you return

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The slap of the pavement underneath John's feet did little to calm his mind. His conversation with Isabella the night before had gone as horribly as he had anticipated. He'd waited until Victor had asked to take Brady for the evening, giving him and Isabella time alone. John knew he had ruined it, but he had to come clean eventually. Dr. Baker was right. He was lying to his wife, and he'd been lying to her since April. John ran faster. He could still hear her screams in his head.

"How could you do this to me?" She stared at him with rage and pain filled eyes. "How could you do it, and then lie to me? Marry me?"

John tried to speak, "Izzy-B–"

"--don't call me that!" she shrieked. John stepped closer, and she moved away. "And don't touch me!"

He stood helplessly in the middle of the room, staring at his wife, unsure of what to do. She was right, and her anger was more than justified. He should have told her as soon as he returned home from Stockholm, but he'd used her pregnancy and her health as a way to justify keeping his affair from her.

"You slept with her, in Stockholm, while I was pregnant with our son! Was it good, John? A roll in the hay with another woman, while I'm here in Salem believing that you would never be unfaithful?"

"Isabella, please just let me explain," he said. "I just need you to understand, that time was confusing. I was having emotions I didn't understand, and these memories that–"

With a sardonic laugh, Isabella sneered at him, "Do you know how fucking sick I am of hearing these excuses? Are we blaming Stefano for this as well? Your emotions overwhelmed you enough that you forgot you had a pregnant fiance waiting for you?"

What could he say? How could he get her to understand that there were moments when he'd completely forgotten her. He'd gotten so lost in memories and flashbacks that he didn't understand and had no control over, that he's made love to another woman... almost as if he were lost in time. But how was that possible? How could he lose track of who he was and where his commitments lay?

Lamely, unable to express his ideas fully, he said, "I don't even understand it myself. Something happened that night. I wasn't myself... I was... who I used to be."

"That makes no sense!" she cried.

"It does," he said softly. "It's happened before... years ago, but it's happened before. It was as if I knew what was happening. I was self aware, but it was another time and another place."

She stared at him for a moment, and then she said, "I'm going to my father's for a few days. If you want to see Brady you can come see him there. I need... I need some time to process this."

He pushed himself harder, faster, his feet slamming against the pavement, while the cool autumn air burned his lungs. What was wrong with him? How could he possibly help Isabella understand what had happened with Danielle when he didn't fully understand it himself? Rounding the corner, he saw Marlena's lakehouse, and he hadn't even realized that's where he was going. A quick morning run had turned into eight miles, and landing himself at his best friend's front door. He stood in her driveway, bent over with his hands on his knees as he gasped for air. His life was falling apart, and even though he knew he should stay away from Marlena, he'd gone straight back to her.