Blurred Lines

Chapter 24 - Pocket of a Clown

November 18, 1992

Isabella and John Black Loft

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Inside the pocket of a clown

Is a sad place to hang around

Just watching smiles turn into frowns

Inside the pocket of a clown

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

John watched as Isabella descended the stairs after putting Brady down for his nap. She had spent four days at Victor's house before finally returning to the loft, but things were still tense. John had broached the subject a couple times, trying to work through what had happened with Danielle the way Dr. Baker had suggested, but Isabella refused, insisting that it was over, and she wanted to move on. John didn't feel that it was that simple. He was unhappy. There was a lot that he was unhappy about. His growing discontent as a businessman, and CEO of EcoSystems was one reason. His heart wasn't in it. He hated suits, ties, and sock garters. Then there was Isabella's growing insecurity. She was suffocating him. He wasn't allowed a moment to himself without a series of questions to determine his whereabouts, and the why of every decision he made. It wasn't simply asking where he was going, because as his wife she was entitled to that. It was the tone of her voice, and the slant of her eyes. It was the additional questions that came with it, are you going anywhere else, how long are you going to be gone... are you stopping by Marlena's.

He found himself getting angry and defensive, and he knew why. Isabella had a reason to be wary, and she wasn't even fully aware of it. He'd already blurred the lines with Marlena. His encounter with Marlena on her couch, and then their time together in the hospital parking lot. Marlena was much more than a friend, but he couldn't face it. Instead he put space and distance between them, and hoped that he would somehow be able to pull himself back emotionally. That he would somehow be able to get back to where he was before Marlena's attack. It was unfair to expect Marlena to be the one to hold that distance between them. Which was why he hadn't seen her in six days. He'd managed to spend time with the twins and Carrie at the pub, and avoid Marlena completely. He ached for her. He craved her. But, he wouldn't allow himself to see her. It wasn't working. As much as he balked at Isabella's suspicion, he knew it was founded, because every fiber of his body ached for Marlena.

John watched her for a moment, in silence as he poured himself a cup of coffee. The nanny had been out of town for a couple of days, and Isabella had been even more watchful since she was working from home. He was beginning to feel suffocated. "When does Haley come back from vacation?"

"Monday," Isabella replied. "I don't mind working from home. I get extra time with Brady... and it's nice having you here as well. Plus, Haley's mother has been ill, so if she were here taking care of Brady, I'd worry that she'd be distracted."

"I wanted to speak with you about something," he said carefully. "But I haven't been sure how to go about it. Dr. Baker says I should just be straightforward, and tell you how I'm feeling."

Isabella stared at him warily, feeling her gut tighten, "Feel about what?"

"I'm unhappy at EcoSystems." He took a deep breath, and waited a beat before he said, "I don't think I'm cut out to be a businessman, Izzy-B. I know I'm good at it, and I know the business is doing well, but I'm just not happy." He knew it wasn't shocking. He'd tried to speak to her about it six months earlier, but she'd begged him to give it more time. Still she stared at him as if what he was saying was completely unexpected.