Blurred Lines

Chapter 12 - Right Here Waiting

September 13, 1992

Salem University Hospital

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Oceans apart, day after day

And I slowly go insane

I hear your voice on the line

But it doesn't stop the pain

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"Are you ready to go home?" Marcus asked Marlena with a smile as he closed her file. "It looks like tomorrow might be the day."

"I'm ready to be with the children, and spend time with them... I miss them so much." Marlena glanced towards the door, feeling more lonely than ever. She was ready to leave the hospital, but she wasn't sure she was ready to begin her new life. "Kim brought them by yesterday, and it was so nice. I'm definitely ready to be home, and put them to bed, read them stories... I'm ready to be their mother."

"You know, Marlena," Marcus said gently, feeling sadness for her. "You've been their mother for over a year."

"I–I know that... but my memory has so many gaps, and I think... I don't trust it right now." After what Isabella had done, Marlena wasn't sure she could trust any memory, or even her own emotions. She felt like waking up and speaking with Abe had left her feeling as if John had died. He hadn't, but the mourning process felt similar. She'd lost him forever, to a jealous and possessive woman with low self esteem.

"Marlena?" Marcus asked. He was worried about her. Where she had been happy before Isabella's visit, she had been despondent ever since she'd woke up. Marcus knew why. He understood it, but the change was so dramatic it had him wanting to protect her all the more.

Shaking her head, she stared at him with wide eyes, realizing that she'd been distracted. "I'm sorry Marcus... I'm tired."

"Get some rest," he told her, placing his hand on her arm in a reassuring manner. "Going home is a big transition. You need all of the rest you can get, and I'll still check on you."

"You will?" she asked hopefully. "It will be nice to have a friend."

"I will," he promised.

Marlena smiled and nodded. Watching Marcus leave her room, she gingerly got out of bed, and walked towards the window. Going home was a huge endeavor, especially alone. When Caroline had visited, she'd mentioned that Roman could possibly come home once the ISA had caught Torres, but who was he to Marlena? He was a stranger. Not only that, but she harbored a lot of anger towards him, even without memories to back it up. She was attacked because Roman had left them. She couldn't remember any of the attack, but the hollowness she felt in her chest every time she thought about her baby, that was enough to feed her anger into a full inferno. She had to make a decision about what she was going to do about Roman, and she had to decide soon.

She thought about her earlier conversation with Tom. He had told her not to make any life changing decisions, and not to push herself to remember. Having amnesia meant that life as she was seeing it, her current perspective, might be different when her memories returned. He told her that her memories would return gradually, but every time she thought about Roman, and everytime she thought about John, she knew she couldn't stay married to Roman. She had a very strong feeling that even before her life turned upside down, her attraction to John was more than just friendship. She couldn't remember it, but she felt it.

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Whatever it takes or how my heart breaks