Blurred Lines

Chapter 20 - Come In With The Rain

October 10, 1992

Brady Pub, Salem

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I could go back

To every laugh

But I don't wanna go there anymore and I

Know all the steps

Up to your door

But I don't wanna go there anymore

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John stood outside of The Brady Pub watching Marlena through the window. He'd come to the party alone. Not by choice, because he'd asked his wife to attend. She'd refused. She'd given him some song and dance about taking Brady out in the cold, and the lateness of the event disturbing Brady's bedtime. An argument had ensued because John knew she was making excuses. How many times had they had Brady out in the evenings, well past ten o'clock? Especially on evenings when they had dinner at Victor's. Brady was five months old. He could find sleep wherever he wanted - John's shoulder, Isabella's arms, his car seat surrounded by noise at Wings. Glancing at his watch with a sigh, he only became more frustrated noticing it was not even seven o'clock. Isabella's excuses were wearing thin.

He knew things were complicated with Marlena. As he watched her laugh with family and friends through the window, he couldn't deny that he wanted her. He ached for her. It was so much more than physical, and that scared him the most. Isabella could sense it. She could read the guilt in his eyes, and sense his discontent. His dreams in the night were making everything worse. He had no control over what his mind did while he slept. He had no control over the pain in his wife's eyes when he woke up screaming, "Doc, don't leave me!" Isabella didn't want to hear that he was reliving the moment that Marlena had lain in his arms on a road in Stockholm. She didn't want to hear about the explosion at his home. Isabella didn't want to know how scared he was or how he was suddenly reliving moments when he thought he'd lost Marlena forever. John was left to himself, expected to reconcile his unsettling emotions on his own. His only outlet was Dr. Baker, and there were times when all he saw in her eyes was sadness.

A gentle hand landed on his back, and he heard Kim say, "Are you planning on going in?"

Turning around with a smile at the sound of her voice, he said, "Hey Kimmy."

"Isabella isn't coming?" she asked him carefully. She knew why Isabella wasn't there. The way John's wife felt about his attachment to Marlena was obvious. Kim had worried this might start to happen.

"Isabella didn't want to bring Brady out in the cold, and then there's his bedtime..." John's voice trailed off, as he glanced back inside the pub.

Kim wouldn't dispute what he'd said. He was lying, but it didn't matter. Instead she said, "Let's go wish Pop, the twins, and Marlena a happy birthday."

John wrapped his arm around her with a smile, "Where's Shane and the kids?"

"They should be inside already," she said. "I had an evening appointment for a patient who works later. I schedule six o'clock appointments for her every two weeks. Kayla and Steve should be on the way."

"I know you can't say much... but how's Marlena's therapy going?" he asked her quietly.

"John," Kim said gently, placing her hand on his arm. She stared up at him sadly, "I can't tell you anything. You know that."