Blurred Lines

Chapter 13 - Everything I Own

**TRIGGER WARNING: Memory of physical attack and miscarriage**

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You sheltered me from harm

Kept me warm, kept me warm

You gave my life to me

Set me free, set me free

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Salem University Hospital, Parking Garage

September 14, 1992

The paperwork was signed, she'd been released from the hospital. For the first time in weeks, she was able to breathe fresh air, well, not exactly fresh air yet. They were still in the parking garage. Marlena stared at John's dark head bent over her lap as he fastened her seatbelt. The urge to run her fingers through his silken hair was strong. She could close her eyes, and remember what it felt like sliding through her fingers. Instead she squeezed her fist in her lap, and took a shaky breath. It didn't help. That breath was full of spice, musk, and soap. Irish Spring. If John was anything, it was a creature of habit. She smiled to herself, refusing to open her eyes lest she reach for him, and never let go. Marlena felt the click of the seat belt latch, and opened her eyes just as he looked up at her with deep indigo eyes.

He was slightly unsure of himself when he said, "I thought you might want to go see Caleb... before I take you home." He'd gone that morning to refresh the flowers that were there, wanting to make it perfect for Marlena's first visit with her son.

His voice was soft, and caring, a cadence that Marlena wanted in her head forever. She saw something in his eyes. Vulnerability perhaps? Afterall, the arrangements for Caleb's burial, and his memorial had been handled by John. Not that the Brady's hadn't been involved, but they had all been in mourning, and John had been the one to step up, and handle everything. She reached out, touching his cheek softly, "I'd like that."

He would kiss her if he could. He would lean slightly closer, and take her soft lips against his, and he would show her that there was still gentleness and love in this world. John glanced down at her mouth. It would be so easy, but instead he stood up straighter, and cleared his throat. Reaching for her shoulder strap, he smoothed it across her chest, and said, "We can head that way."

Before he moved out of her space, Marlena took his hand, and whispered, "Thank you."

"You never have to thank me, Doc. Never." John continued to stand there, next to the car. So close to her that she seared his lungs with the scent of lilacs, and memories.

"I do," she whispered, still holding onto him. "I've been thinking about it, and I can imagine that... Caroline and Shawn were quite overwhelmed with the children, Bo and Roman are gone... me in the hospital. Kimberly and Kayla have a lot going on as well. You stepped in, and you took care of my son. Caroline told me you were spending a lot of time with the twins. They seemed excited when they were telling me about it. They missed having you in their lives. So," she said, squeezing his hand reassuringly, "so... thank you for all of that."

John's hands cupped her face gently, and without thought he leaned forward, kissing her forehead softly. His warm, moist lips lingered on her skin before he pulled back. Marlena watched him swallow again, but didn't comment on it. He was uncomfortable. He wanted more than he was allowing himself. He loved her, and she could see that he was tamping down on his natural instincts with her. She shouldn't encourage him to question his choices, but in her heart a great injustice had taken place. He was supposed to be with her. Twining her fingers through his, she smiled up at him, "Seriously, John. Thank you." And they both knew that wasn't what she was saying. She was saying she loved him.