The Secrets We Keep

The Twenty-Fourth Chapter

Hayden

The lobby outside is empty except for one or two employees as I take a seat on the crunchy, red steps. 

I put my head in my hands and groan. God, what is wrong with me? I'm acting like an asshole and I can't even listen to the opening bars of horror music without my heart basically leaping out of my chest.

I wish I'd never come here. All I've done is humiliate the shit out of myself.

I hear heavy footsteps behind me but don't turn around. A moment later, I feel a presence beside me and peek through my curtain of hair to see Nathan has taken a seat beside me. 

"So... this has been a disaster," he says, a half-smile appearing. His voice is quiet and a bit unsure. It makes me feel ten times worse.

I sigh. "I'm really sorry. It's just I heard that music and my brain just went into overdrive. I'm sorry-"

"Please stop apologizing," Nathan says and hands me the box of popcorn I'd abandoned in there. "It's my fault. All this is too soon and I should've thought this through better-"

"No, you're not to blame for this. Unless you want to take credit for me and Christopher going at it." 

Now that makes him crack a genuine smile. "You two really don't like each other, huh," he says, sounding way too pleased about that fact. 

"More like loathe," I correct and then throw a few pieces of buttery popcorn into my mouth. 

"Can I ask you a question?" He asks, inching his knee minusculely closer to mine. 

"Shoot," I mumble over the popcorn. 

"What's going in on your head? Like right now?" 

I gaze up at him and my breathing gets shallow. He's looking at me like I used to fantasize guys would look at me when I was younger and more hopeful. 

Everyone wants a guy who cares about the things they say. A guy who likes the way their brains work. 

But I'm not ready to spill my guts about the nightmares and the sleepless nights or the fact that I'm reading a dead girl's diary and that he's the star in all her stories. So instead I say:

"You want to know all my secret thoughts but what do I get in return? Are you going to tell me what you're thinking right now?" 

It's mostly a joke or a diversion to get him to drop this line of questioning. But Nathan leans back on his hands and looks down at me, considering. 

"You want to know what I'm thinking about right now?" He asks and I nod my head slowly. 

He reaches out and tucks some strands of my hair behind my ear so that he can see my face better. His pupils as he looks at me are slightly bigger than usual, and it makes me press my lips together as something in my belly unfurls. 

"I'm thinking that I've wanted to kiss you for so long but I can't," he says, his words low and deep.

"Why not?" I whisper back, inching ever-so-slightly closer. 

His full lips tip back into the barest hint of a smile. "Because I think I like you better than you like me. But that's not a problem, Hayden. I'm very determined about getting the things I want."

His words make me smile. "Ah, so you feel you have to seduce me more? What do you want, Nathan? For me to be obsessed with your every breath?" Like Amelia was, the thought strikes me suddenly and is gone before I can blink. 

Nathan shakes his head, the slightly longer hair that frames his face moving so that his blue eyes are partially covered. He leans in again and we're so close that we share the same air. "No. I want you to want me to kiss you."