The Secrets We Keep

The Twenty-Second Chapter

Hayden

Dear Diary,

After the embarrassment of having to hear all that Christopher said to his friends, I've been avoiding the group. 

But then today, Nathan (his best friend) met with me in History. He told me he wanted to apologize for what happened and said that Chris is an idiot and that I shouldn't worry too much about what he said. 

When Nathan talked, I started feeling really special. He's never really spoken to me before and after he sought me out today, I realized he's a really cool person. Me and Grace even googled him. His dad is a senator and his mom is a famous movie actress. 

And he's also like so hot! And he plays the piano. How cool is that? What I wouldn't do to be liked by someone like him? I don't even know why I was so obsessed with Christopher. Nathan is so much better. 

Dear Diary,

Nathan and I have been hanging out a lot lately. I've been working up the courage to tell him how much I like him. But it's been difficult. What if he doesn't like me back?

Dear Diary,

I can't believe that jerk Christopher. I'm literally crying right now as I write this. He overheard a conversation I was having with Grace and went and told Nathan what I said! I mean, I know it's my fault and that I shouldn't have said anything stupid but still! 

Nathan's been kind of avoiding me since then. When I confronted him about it, he said he's just busy and that he can't study with me anymore since his mom got him a tutor at home but it's the worst!!!

I think we're still friends though... He still greets me and everything but it's just not the same.

-

Over the next few days, I become obsessed with Amelia's diary. It's all I think about. And the worst part is now that I've been in her head for so long, I'm starting to have nightmares. 

Every night at around one, I wake up in a cold sweat. I don't really know what I dream about. I have vague flashes of a dead woman and a man in darkness but that's it. It doesn't matter how long I wrack my brain, the dream doesn't fully come back to me. And the only thing that seems to calm me down is reading Amelia's diary. 

At first, reading it relaxed me. Her problems when she first started the damn thing were so trivial that I felt like I was reading a teen drama. It was all 'Christopher sucks!' and 'Gee, Nathan is so handsome and dreamy.' Although, after learning how sweet Nathan is and that he can play freaking musical instruments, I can definitely begin to understand Amelia's obsession with the guy. 

But as I stay up on Friday morning and read the entries she wrote last year, something in my gut starts to tighten. 

There are a few missing pages here. I don't know if she tore them out or why. All I know is that the last entry from last year reads like this. 

Dear Diary,

Something happened today. I was in Chemistry and Mr. Johnson told me to wait for him after class. I did and he said he could tell I was struggling and offered to give me some pointers. At first, I was relieved. I really am terrible at anything that involves science. 

After everyone else had left, he brought up a table to be in line with his desk. He put the chair so that it was on the same side as his. We were leaning in close together so that we could both follow along in the textbook. And then he put his hand on my thigh.