The Secrets We Keep

The Nineteenth Chapter

Hayden

"Are you satisfied?"

I jump out of my skin as the angry voice comes at me from behind. It's almost the end of the school day, the first official one back after Amelia's death, and to say I haven't been sleeping well lately is an understatement. So between my exhaustion and the thought that there very well may be a killer walking around the school, I'm kind of on edge. 

"Jesus Christ, Nathan! You scared the bejeezus out of me!" I shout as I bend down to grab all of the things I dropped on the floor. One of my pencils has rolled all the way to the other set of lockers and I glare up at him from under my lashes. "What are you going on about now?"

Instead of bending down and helping me with my stationery, Nathan continues to peer down at me. He seems angry and I swallow as I start stuffing things in my backpack. Who the hell pissed in his cereal this morning?

"With your little investigation, are you satisfied?" He repeats once I've stopped scrambling to get my things off the ground. "Or is there something else you would like to ask me? How about to my face this time?"

A few people lingering in the hall look back at us and, not wanting to get into any more trouble (even though I'm pretty sure Damien and I have quite a few pity points at the moment), I grab Nathan by the sleeve of his blazer and start dragging him to a quieter place to talk. 

"What the hell are you talking about?" I ask, my voice low. 

His eyes ghost over my face as he maintains his annoyed expression. "Christopher told me you were asking him about me."

"Is this what this is about? Nathan, you told me I could get him to verify your whereabouts," I say, feeling oddly hurt. He's never been mad at me before and I don't think I like this feeling. 

"I thought you'd dropped it, Hayden. And when I gave you the opportunity to talk to him, you didn't take it then. And the only reason I can think as to why you went behind my back and asked Christopher without me is because you think I had something to do with Amelia's death. Do you have any idea how that makes me feel? Do you have any idea how much it hurts that you think I might've done something to hurt her?" His blue eyes are cold as looks down at me and I don't realize I've been gripping his clothes until he forces my hand to let go.

"That wasn't my intention, I swear, Nathan. I just wanted-"

"Wanted what, Hayden? To play detective? To humiliate me? What was your intention here, because the only thing I can deduce is that you must think very little of me and I thought we were at least starting to become friends."

"We were- I mean, we are. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, really. I just- Please don't go," I say, reaching out again and tugging back on the end of his blazer after he makes to turn around. "Nathan, I'm really sorry. Her death has really freaked me out and when I'm anxious like this, I do stupid things. It's my coping method, a pathological need to always be in control and to know everything." 

I force him to keep eye contact and I know the moment I've got him. His eyes soften and he looks away in frustration.

"Stop that," he says, wrapping his hand around mine to make me stop holding onto his clothes again. "Don't look at me like that." 

His eyes meet mine again and I thread my fingers through the hand he still has gripped in mine. "You've got to believe me, Nathan. I can't handle you being mad at me as well."

I watch a muscle work in his jaw but he doesn't drop my hand. I see him swallow and then he speaks again. "I want so badly to be mad at you right now..."