Hidden shadows [Milex/mclennon]

Parentage

"John Lennon."

Releasing Paul's hand Miles freezes

John Lennon.

John Lennon.

John Lennon.

That's all he hears in his head right now, John Lennon... his father..What!!

" J-John Lennon is my F-Father? How?"  Trying hard to absorb the information but it's still not processing right.

" I had just turned 15 when I met John. He was 16 at the time, he was  playing at our church party with his band. During the performance I caught his eye and after he came down from the stage and went straight to me and we talked throughout the whole party... I was so besotted with him after our first meeting. Not long after I got pregnant with you."

" I know you said I can ask you any questions but I can tell John Lennon is a very sore topic for you, I want to make sure that what I'm about to ask is ok with you."

Paul knew he couldn't avoid this topic forever or leave John in the past forever, especially if his son asks about him, at the end of the day he is Miles father...even if John didn't know it.

" I'm not going to lie, John is a sore topic for me but I promised you to answer any questions you have about your parentage which includes your father so ask away." With a reassuring smile Paul nudges him to continue.

"Ok, what happened? Did he not want me? Did he leave you alone?"

" He didn-doesn't know about your existence."

"You didn't tell him...why? Don't you think he deserved to know."

Ashamed Paul sighed " Of course I wanted to tell him, I was scared but happy I was going to have his baby, I was so in love that nothing else mattered to me but when I told your grandda about my pregnancy and who the father was he forbid me to tell John about you or anyone actually, he hid my pregnancy from the world. The 9 months that I was pregnant I wasn't allowed to leave the house, unless they were doctors appointments. I had to continue my studies from home with a private tutor. Keeping this sinful shame behind closed doors was his priority ." As tear drops fall from Paul's eyes, Miles couldn't help reach out and squeeze his hand once more.

" So he just kept you locked up in that bloody house to keep me a secret."

Nodding Paul wipes away his tears. " He promised me that if I listened to his conditions I would be able to keep you, of course I believed him and I agreed. Not knowing what his real plans were and that he only said those things to keep me quiet." All the resentment, anger, and disappointment towards his father resurfaced again, he had buried those with his baby but just as his son came back into his life so did those feelings. He can't forgive his father, wherever he is he hopes he pays for everything he did to Paul.

" what was his actual plan?"

" I spent the past 22 years in mourning for your death, I lived with so much guilt at not being able to protect you. I wasn't the same again, a part of me died with you. Jim McCartney waited for the right time to snatch you and give you away without remorse, like you weren't his own grandchild. "

Miles with realization replies, " He somehow knew my father and he also knew my parents were desperate for a child, I guess this was the solution for both of their problems. My mum confessed to me that when my dad brought me home he told her that a drug addict was my mother and that she gave me up in exchange for drug money. They fooled us all."

" How could a 15 year old recover from something as traumatic as this, I  think what kept me alive was being in the band, it kept me busy which gave me less time to think."

" why didn't you tell John about your pregnancy after everything happened? I mean you saw him basically everyday, why not come clean?"

" what was the point Miles? The damage was done, I had lost you. I just didn't want to cause John that pain too, mourning a child that was non existent...no I couldn't do that to him."

Getting up sudden miles needed to leave, he had to take a breather and process everything.

" I-I gotta go, I need to process all of this. I'll make an appointment for a paternity test and I'll send you the details, bye." Practically sprinting out the door miles leaves without even waiting for a reply from Paul.

5 minutes later Linda makes her way back to the living room, seeing Paul stare holes at the front door she slowly sits next to him," what happened? Why did he leave so soon?"

" He said he needed time to process everything I just told him."

Nodding Linda begins to run circles on his back, " Is he gonna come back anytime soon?"

Shrugging paul turns to her " I don't know, he asked for a DNA test. He said he was gonna make an appointment and then let me know when."

" Well Paul look at the silver lining, he didn't yell at you, he didn't kick you out of his life, and most definitely didn't call you a liar. So baby steps once he gets that paternity test results, I'm pretty sure he'll look for you just stay put ok."

Agreeing with her Paul nervous started picking at his nails, " He asked about his father."

"John! What did he say?"

" Wanted to know who he was and if he abandoned us but once I told him everything he asked why didn't I tell John after everything... should I have told John Lin?"

" Well Paul asking about the should've, would've, could've is not healthy and it's torture, now that your son is back into your life I think it's best if you talk to John, because if at the end of the day Miles wants a relationship with both of you i think John needs to know about his existence don't you think? What if somehow the press finds out about miles? You don't want John to find out about his son from an article do you? Don't steal him the chance of having a relationship with his son. Think about it." getting up linda kisses Paul's temple in the process and heads for the front door.

"Lin! I guess I have to pay john a visit." nodding linda agrees, " I think it's for the best, call me if you need anything ok. Bye."

** &**
It took paul 20 minutes to stop staring at his phone, 15 to actually pick it up, and an hour to dial Johns number. With shakey hands paul holds the phone up to his ear.

"hello?"