Hidden shadows [Milex/mclennon]

Redemption

" Really son?  you're just gonna run away , typical Paul things not going his way so he runs, just like when Cynthia happened." Following Paul into the parking lot trying to get some kind of reaction from him, since the appointment Paul hadn't said one word to him or even spaired him a single glance ignoring his presence all together, he remembers back in '88 when he started dating Cyn, Paul completely iced him out for the first 3 months of John and Cynthia's relationship and again when they announced Cynthia's pregnancy.

Having enough Paul stopped dead in his tracks and does a full 180 towards John. " Really John? We're gonna be doing this? Try get a rise outta me bringing Cynthia into this, stooping that low. What you and I did to Cynthia was unforgivable and I've spent years trying to get her forgiveness but you keep trying to mess with me mind and I'm the idiot who falls for it everytime. You knew the anxiety I felt about this day and you coming here unannounced made everything worse. I get it and you have every right to find out if miles is your son just as much as I do but overwhelming him like this, not a single phone call or a simple text message."

Cynthia was just another victim of the Lennon-McCartney toxic vortex, she got sucked inside just like Julian, Sean, Yoko, and now Miles he refuses to have his son hurt because of them, he's suffering enough because of him already. 10 years ago he finally got the forgiveness from Cynthia and Julian and now they have some sort of relationship, speak here and there.

" Are you really lecturing me Macca? You don't have the moral high ground here not after keeping this secret from me for so many years." Feeling tears seep through his eye sockets, " Why Macca? I had the right to know about our baby. and don't start with all the Jim crap because if you truly believe that I loved you then you would have known that I would have been there for you both, I would have protected both of you from anyone."

Paul can't do this now, not here, not today. Wiping away the tears that he didn't even know were spilling from his eyes, " Johnny stop! not here not today. please, we'll talk another day. I need you to have a clear mind first." He won't do this again, they've had many fights like these before hot headed, accusing, hurtful words that stab the heart. He refuses to get sucked into another one, opening his car door paul turns back to john and with a sincere voice says, " Please give me time and I'll contact you ok. we'll talk once we're both clear headed... ok. Take care Johnny." Getting in his car Paul drives away from him.

This isn't how he wanted this day to go, he wanted to actually talk to Paul but of course his pride gets in the way again and here he is feeling self hatred, Paul might as well have slapped him with each word because that's how it feels like Paul had slapped him and yelled that he hated him. How could he not, he's put everyone he's ever loved to hell and back, he just hoped Miles won't be another one of his victims.

" So this is how it's always been with you two?" Johns train of thought gets cut off as a voice he's getting familiar with can be heard behind him, turning around he's face to face with Miles. " Unfortunately... yes... I wish it wasn't and I'm sorry you had to see that."

" Did you even love him?"

" With all my heart and soul, but unfortunately for us that's never enough." Weary John looks around the parking lot and asks Miles if they can go talk somewhere private. Agreeing Miles follows John to a cafe near the clinic.

                                       ***
They've been at the cafe for the past 10 minutes and no one has dared to break the silence, as the waitress brings their tea miles somehow breaks the ice first. " You really had no clue about me?"
" Not one, if I did I'm sure our stories would have been written differently but Paul 'as always been stubborn... like me... I guess that's one thing we have in common." Chuckling sarcastically John has the courage to meet Miles eyes...wow for a second he thought he was transported back to 1993 with 22 year old Paul sitting across from him, seeing as Miles had begun to squirm under his gaze, snapping out of it he apologizes, " I'm sorry didn't mean to stare at 'ya but wow you look so much like Paul, lucky lad wouda been a real shame if you'd come out lookin' like me."

" So you really believe I'm your son."

"With every bone in my body, and I'm hoping you will be, not just for my sake but for Paul's sake, everything makes sense now." Thinking back at the last 22 years with Paul, the only times John has actually seen Paul happy is when he was on stage, writing songs, and when he was in John's arms. Other than that he was just a walking shell but nobody seemed to know why... it all adds up. " I just want to ask of you one thing...if you really are our son that please give Paul a chance, I know for a certain he loved you with all his heart the minute he found out about your existence. I wanna see the light back in his eyes like I did when we were just two dumb teenagers who were in love not only with each other but with our band. You are that proof of the love that we had for each other." Nodding Miles smiles faintly at John's and thats more than enough for him.

" Ok I'll give you my word that I'll atleast try but can I ask something of you in return?"

" ta, anything"

" Paul has told me enough of your story and what I witnessed today to know that he still loves you, so please stop this madness. You've tortured him enough don't you think! And if you really are my parents and if you want some kind of relationship with me, then I need to see that change in you Mr.lennon. My adoptive father was a self centered person who only cared about work and bringing food to the table but not once in my 22 years of life has he took the time to really know me, take me to the park, or taught me how to ride  a bicycle. I don't need another Peter Kane in my life. If you want my trust start by doing right by Paul." Feeling his pocket vibrate miles sees that it's Alex, knowing he'll be asking when he's coming home. " I gotta go Mr.Lennon but think about it, if you really care about us, theirs a thing called redemption. Good day Mr.Lennon" without waiting for a response Miles gets up and leaves the cafe, leaving a dumbfounded John Lennon with lots to think about.