The Luna's Fated Choice

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Eleven: Shadows Of The Past .3

Joshua swings his body off the edge of the bed, as he snaps the bed sheets off of his sweat-coated and grief-caused lean body. The dreams have been ripping him apart as he continues to struggle with Kiadaria's rejection and the loss of her- not the loss, the temporary separation. Joshua can't allow himself to believe she is gone. He's afraid of who he would become without her.

She's just upset. She'll be back, and I'll apologize. I'll change.

Although he knows he had a dream, it feels more like a memory, and more real than a fabricated story from his subconscious. The emotions feel real, and Joshua can't shake them.

In this particular dream, Kiadaria watches him train at the lake, as he used to. He senses her desire and admiration for him, wondering if she is beginning to feel the same. He knows they have no mate bond, but the way he feels about her feels as real, if not more, than what elders have described finding their mates to be. Joshua has known she is the one since they were twelve. The memory of their shared past, filled with unspoken affection and youthful dreams, resurfaces, painting a vivid picture of their connection. The lake, a silent witness to their early years, becomes a stage for their rekindled emotions, where the boundaries between reality and longing blur, leaving Joshua yearning for a future where their bond transcends the expectations of their world.

In the dream, Joshua remembers why he began training so hard to dethrone his father. His father believed in tradition only, and when Joshua made it clear he would have no other mate, no other Luna, but Kiadaria (mate bond or no mate bond), Alpha Alexander made it clear that the decision would be vetoed.

"So, I have to win. I have to be bigger. I must become stronger. I have to be better. I must be Alpha or I lose my Luna." It is what Joshua chants as he fights, and his heart beats with love and the hope that things have become a step easier, as it appears his chosen Luna has begun to feel the same way, too.

But Joshua's words, full of wrath and thick hate, fill his head. "She'll never be yours, Darius! She belongs TO ME! I will sever your bond, she will be my Luna!"

He knows he shouldn't have said it. There are too many things he shouldn't have said, over the years, and at that moment. Instead of being angry and jealous, he wishes he'd prostrated before Kisadaria. He wishes he'd done what he knows Darius will not, and worshipped her. He shouldn't have cared who would have heard or seen him as an alpha on his knees pleading for a Luna, the moon goddess, says isn't his, but to Joshua she will always be just that; his.

And one day, you're gonna come to your senses and stop fighting me, us, and the love you try to hide from that beats for me.

So Joshua paces the bedroom.

He misses her.

Joshua did attempt to mind-link her. He tried bribing members of the Shining Moon pack to deliver messages. He even tried to use his influence with the other alphas, but to no avail did he receive a response from Kiadaria.

He doesn't blame her after how he'd tried to control her.

He had hurt her; he'd touched her with anger. Joshua is ashamed after he realizes who he's been in her life and how he's treated her. So, in love, he didn't follow her or steal her back because he knows she deserves better. All he can now do is try to become better and hope the way he feels about her isn't wrong and she'll be back.

Another thing that has been getting to Joshua is the whisper of rumors he's been catching. He catches pack members huddling in twos, sometimes tiny groups enthralled in conversations that they try to keep as silent as possible. However, he hears her name or he hears Darius' name and can't help but use his keen hearing to listen in.