Emotions

7

For Khaotung listening to music with First was his cope to escape, his lifeline, being with First heals his pain and loneliness.

Khaotung knows he already hurt the boy so much in many different ways.

But for him what he did to First was just showing his love because for him he learned that the things you cherish like friends, family, lovers hurt you the most. That's why he learned that you have to live with that, you have to accept that everything you love will always hurt you and leave you just like what his firstlove Jiye did to him.

And Khaotung loves First so much thats why he hurt him.

For Khaotung, hurting First was the proof he was alive.

First was his lifeline but lately his lifeline was running out.

"First?" Khaotung whispered softly, again, switching the tap off.

The air in the room stood still as the atmosphere inside Khao's room quitened.

Did First answer him? No. First was still scared Khaotung might hurt him like the other days. Khaotung was same as Shin and the older men customer who buy him for sex. They're all the same in bed forceful and always sees him as sex doll nothing more.

"First?! I don't want to scold you or hurt you but you pushing me again! Will you just answer me? Did you fucking cut yourself again huh!" Khaotung asked harshly. He sounded really harsh making First to flinched and cry silently again.

"P-please don't shout I'm scared." First mumbled softly as he hung his head low and looked at his feet letting the tears pushed to crawl out his eyes. He tried to hold back his tears but there was no use, the tears from each eyes were already making its way down to his bruised cheeks. Khaotung was the one who did that bruised on his cheeks, khaotung slap him on the way home when he decline to have sex with him that's why he had bruised cheeks.

First mind was clouded with many thoughts. Thoughts about his life now being a prostitute, khaotung who he thought was kind always hurt him and threatened him that he will spread the sex videos if he doesn't obey. First wanted to escape but he don't know how. Khaotung shattered him enough that he don't know how to fix his own anymore.

Khaotung felt his heart drop at the sight of the younger crying, again because of him and he felt guilty for that. But then Khaotung just did all of that because he loves First so much and he don't want his lifeline to leave him.

"First." Khaotung called again as he gently grabbed First chin lifted it up.

First cried to that but still looking down not wanting to make eye contact with the older.

"Fine I'm sorry. Stop crying now we'll talk about this later, okay? Let's clean your wounds first. I will call Shin that you will not working today and tommorow."

Khaotung whipped out his phone and gave a call to his friend Shin saying that he will just pay the two days First will take a day off then after that Khaotung shifting back his attention again to First.

Khaotung quickly grabbed First injured wrist again gently and placed it under the tap, switching it on as the cold water poured onto the younger's wrist.

"Tell me if it hurts, okay?" Khaotung stated before running his finger over First deep cut, slowly rubbing away the dried blood around it.

Everytime Khaotung heard First hiss, he would handle his wrist with even more care. He had to handle First like a kitten.

And speaking of kitten Khaotung was planning to buy a kitten for First and give it to him since he always notice that the younger boy always look at the stray cat on the street.

Khaotung hoped First will like it, he hoped that his lifeline First will always stay by his side even though he already hurt him many times. He hoped his lifeline will not try to kill himself again.