HAVING 13

11. Risk

MISSY
January 17th 2005

He asked about the bruises.

He. Asked. About. The. Bruises.

Get out of here, Missy, my brain told me.

I panicked and just walked away.

No more Johnny for me.

Why? Why him? Why the one boy who made me feel okay?

Most people found it too awkward to ask about the bruises I came to school with, and in my seventeen years of living, no one really cared enough to.

One day at Tommen and someone had asked.

Not just someone.

Someone who's Da is a barrister—I'd done my research in the papers, sue me.

Someone who I actually could trust.

The worst thing is that I knew he cared, and therefore, I wanted to tell him the truth. I wanted to tell him everything.

I didn't have a lot of self control, so that was very fucking risky. He's a risk and I would take it, if there wasn't so much at stake.

No more Johnny.

After I finished my shift, he waited by the door. We walked out together.

"Can I walk you home?" He asked.

"It's not far, I'm grand," I declined.

I started walking, and he kept strolling alongside me.

"I said no." I stopped.

"And I say yes." He stopped in front of me, turning around to smile at me cockily.

"Why can't you leave me be?" I demanded.

"Where did the bruises really come from, Mel?"

"Stop talking, Johnny." I held my hand up. "If you're walking me home, we're doing it on my terms."

He was getting too fucking close. He even had a nickname for me. Mel. It made my heart beat too quickly.

It was 11 PM by the time we got to my house.

"Thanks," I muttered. "You didn't have to."

"I wanted to," He affirmed. "You're welcome."

He glanced behind me.

"Is this your house?" He scanned the front yard.

I should tell him yes. I shouldn't let him know our actual address. "No," I said instead.

"Why are we stopping here, then?" He furrowed his eyebrows.

"My house is right there." I pointed to it. "95 Elk's Terrace. My family can't see me coming home with you."

He nodded in understanding. "I'll watch you go inside. Bye, Mel."

I smiled. "Bye, Johnny."

When I turned to my house, crossed the road and looked back, I realised as I laid eyes on Johnny, that when I was with him I forgot all about what waited at home.

"Happy birthday!" He yelled, waving.

I laughed. "Thank you."

I straightened up once I reached our garden wall. I shoved open the fence, not caring that it fell off, and walked down the grassy pathway.

I went around the house to go through the back door, to see if it would feel different than the front door I took every day. It didn't.

My birthday was always a cursed day.