HAVING 13 - Johnny Kavanagh

33. Right now

MISSY
April 4th 2005

I had a final check-up today before I got discharged.

I couldn't wait to visit Johnny.

"All packed?" Darren asked, looking exhausted. I would feel bad for him, but I felt that way for seventeen years. I still did.

I nodded. I was giving him the silent treatment.

People kept telling me I was lucky to have survived. I was anything but lucky. I was stuck; I always would be.

They told me I was strong. I didn't want to be. I wanted a childhood.

We reached the doctors. They took some more photos of my broken bone. All I could do was put no pressure on it and use my crutches for everything.

I was homesick. Not for that house. It could go up in flames, for all I cared. I was homesick for Johnny.

In the car ride home with Darren, Mam, and Shannon, I had to hold back tears after catching a glimpse of myself in a window. I kept my head down after that.

Arriving back to our room, Shannon and I sat in silence for a second before I tried my best to be her sister again. I wanted her life to go back to normal as soon as possible—maybe even better now that Da was 'gone'.

"Gibsie tells me you've met a boy," I teased.

She blushed silently. "He's my friend. He was in the hospital for a broken arm and when I was taking a small walk with Claire, he asked me to sign his cast," She explained.

I smiled. "Oh my god, this is like a book you'd read," I pointed out her love for stupid romance novels.

"You don't understand, Missy. He has brown eyes and his hair curls. He's so beautiful," She gushed. "He always jokes around but he can be serious when he needs to be. He looks like Damon Albarn."

I smiled. "I'm happy for you, Shan," I reached out to hug her. She hugged me back tightly.

When my little sister said she was going to call Aran, I immediately went for my own cellphone which was still under the kitchen table. I got the hang of sitting down to get down the stairs pretty quickly.

I didn't even want to go into that room, but I did. I wasn't supposed to bend down but I needed my phone in order to get out of here.

I phoned Gibsie to pick me up. It took him fifteen minutes. I guess he was close by.

"Hey," I greeted him as he got out of the car to help me.

He let me sit down first and then stashed my crutches in the backseat.

"How's the pain?" Gibs asked as he got into the driver's seat.

"Fine," I shrugged, lying.

The second I was off the painkillers, it turned ten times worse.

"I went to see Aoife," He told me. "She's worried about your brother."

"She sure is if she decided to call you of all people," I joked. "I mean, you guys don't know each other that well."

"Yeah. She's desperate, Missy-Miss."

We fell into silence. I didn't like discussing my brother's addiction issues.

Most of the thirty minute car ride was filled by him singing along to his questionable mixtape.

"I'm gonna trick Shannon into giving this to her little boyfriend," He snickered.

"This is a mixtape full of songs about sex. I'm not letting you do that to my baby sister, Gibs."

He went on to call me a frigit and rant about how funny it would be until we arrived.