Zero Strings

ZS 14

River

I've been living alone in my apartment for almost two years now. You know the drill- frat boy who refuses to stay at the frat house for health purposes, as well as for peace and quiet purposes.

Yet somehow, this place felt so fucking empty all of a sudden.

I know I told Casey we were good, but it doesn't mean it didn't have some weird impact on me.

I mean I get it. I understand the sentiment, but don't mean it doesn't hurt.

She never even gave me the chance to say how I felt, and that's what sucks. But anyway, she's right. Whatever I or we both were feeling for each other shouldn't matter anyway.

We were both in this whole fake relationship thing and it was for a mutual benefit.

And once we're both satisfied, it's done. We got an expiration date.

All I was gonna be for her was some dude that helped her get over her trust and commitment issues, and when she finally gets over that, we're done. 

In the meantime, I was gonna keep her happy as much as I can, and as much as I want to keep doing this for the rest of my life, I know someone else is gonna be better for her.

The little time I had for myself while packing wasn't exactly enough to gather my thoughts, but it was enough for a little bit of space since I was flying with Casey back to her hometown for Christmas.

I tried to act normal the whole flight, but we both knew that we both felt awkward about the whole thing that happened last night.

After a couple of hours later, we soon got to her home and I actually breathed a sigh of relief when her mom told us that I would be staying in the guest room instead of staying with Casey in her room. 

I didn't wanna avoid her but I needed some space.

Of course that was cut a bit short when she decided to come into the guest room and act like everything between us was still normal. I actually wanted to throw up at how anxious the whole situation was making me and I was praying that I don't get an episode right now because this definitely was making my whole psyche go crazy and it wasn't healthy.

After dinner, we all headed upstairs to get ready for bed. As Casey and I reached the landing of the 2nd floor, she turned to me.

"Do you wanna hang out in my room for a bit?" she asked with pleading eyes. Normally that would've worked in an instant and she didn't even have to ask, but I really wasn't in the mood right now.

"Maybe tomorrow? My head actually hurts and I just wanna go to sleep" I tell her

"We can cuddle while I play with your hair til you fall asleep" she suggested. I smiled and opened my mouth, before one of the bedroom doors opened and Caleb popped his head out of his room.

"Go to your own rooms and get some sleep dumbasses" he added before quickly closing his door. Casey and I just let out a laugh before I quickly pulled her and kissed her forehead.

"I'll see you tomorrow, okay? Goodnight" I told her, and without even waiting for an answer, I turned around and headed straight to the guest bedroom. And as soon as my back hit the bed, I immediately fell asleep.

Since I wake up hella early every single day, the next day wasn't an exception.

I didn't know that everyone else in here had the same body clock as me though because as I headed downstairs, everyone except Casey was already there eating breakfast.