✓〡i love you, i'm sorry ¹ ( poetry )

xxxiii. file: blinddancing_étude

vortex - lizzy mcalpine

you smile, but not at me, and it always hits right to the core

i fear that i don't even know who i am still doing this for

criminally scared of my own front door,

terrified and terrible at walking out of bad situations

always thought you loved me but i guess i got mistaken

you take all the calm from me while i would love to take a vacation

from all the forced compliments that you don't even mean verbatim

can't help getting caught up into dear self dissociation

it kinda became one of my safeplace sins

but what am i to do if you don't offer your arms for me to feel safe in?

you tell me i love yous and you say that you're sorry

but i don't recall the last time when i didn't see you fading

i can't even believe all the excuses you keep saying

when all we ever do is having meaningless conversations

and i wish i could say that, but i have never been blameless

i just pretend that this is everything i ever craved for

while i know all too well that little me wished to get treated like a princess

i want to brush that off but my inner monologue is a traitor

so you smile at someone else while i'm a mirror for my selfdestruction