Brooke's Book Review - Temp. Closed :(

Bad Habits Review

Author: Olivia_Benedetti

First off love that you did a trigger warning because even though I don't mind mature topics, I know other people appreciate it.

Title and Cover: When you mentioned the title the first thing I thought was Ed Sheeran 💀

No, but in all honesty I think you have a good title. It's quick and intriguing. The cover looks like a legit book cover and kinda gives me 2010 vibes, but in a good way.

I am not going to give you a 10, just because you title and cover would have to be making me drool. Then again, an electronic cover can only do so much. Still, I think it's pretty good.

7/10

Grammar and Spacing: I suck at this one unfortunately. I have never been good at spelling and grammar, but spacing is not too difficult for me.

Firstly, I am going to talk about sentence structure. I think you make your sentences a bit too short and there were many times where you could have combined them. I would also say to not be too repetitive with your words because that's a big book red flag to many readers.

THANK YOU for using stanzas. The amount of time where I read a book and it is just one longgggg paragraph :(

Just to clarify, or if you did not know, you create a new paragraph every time a new topic happens or when a new person speaks. You did pretty well on this, but I did catch a few times this did not happen and I put it in your comments.

You did well on this one so good job.

15/25

Plot and Characterization: This is one of the things I do less in my reviews and more in the comments of you book. I do this because id assume it's good to have more comments as it improves activity in your book, but also because that way I can be specific and you can know what I am talking about without referencing.

Here I will just go over main points-

This is the most important critique out of this whole thing. Show personalities, don't tell. Don't say "I have anger issues", but show how. You did that in the scene with Ethan punching Xavier, but still, don't say personality traits unless maybe if the character is having a conversation with another character.

Don't rush the story. I assume this is a full book you are writing, so take it slow. You really get to know the characters in the little moments. This leads me on the next thing.

By taking it slow that means no big moments as the book starts out. Your characters are already fighting in the first chapter which is something more in a 5th or 6th chapter thing. The beginning of a story is to get to know the characters. I have no idea why Ethan and Xavier dislike each other. I feel like your first chapter was more like an excerpt form a later chapter in the book. I also know nothing of Xavier at all.

I would keep this chapters ideas, I like there being a fight, but I would start over and really introduce the characters. Start with Ethan waking up or maybe in school. Then maybe introduce friends through conversation of going to a party in 3rd period. Then maybe Olivia and Xavier were in the 3rd period and have Ethan talk to his friends about his crush on Olivia. Then introduce the problem between him and Xavier. Then when you finally get to the party scene you can put in this chapter.

Don't go too frequently through POV. If you are switching between POV 3 times in one chapter, that probably means your not talking through what's happening enough. Like I said slow it down.

I saw that you use AI to help. That is really understandable as a new writer and I do that as well at times. I am in the process of writing my own book and will publish it once fully completed, but I have learned that it is harder to improve as a writer when relying on things that are not your brain. I know, I know, it's going to be hard to do. But as you continue to write, take out the AI help little by little. I know that the story is 100% your ideas and words, but besides things like grammar and spelling help (which I need immensely) try to keep it out of writing.

For a beginner you do well, but overall there are some things to fix.

15/35

Worldbuilding: This is my favorite one to grade because I love books with worldbuilding such a Harry Potter or Shatter me. I think this is what separates books from being good and great.

I know you just have one chapter, so I will not be harsh about it. Worldbuilding takes the whole book to do. I will say though that you don't really have any, even in your one chapter. What did the house look like? Surroundings? I will give you an example-

"Before I even pulled up on the abandoned street I could hear the noises from the house. The rhythm of the beat of my heart almost matched the music. I parked my car in the grass a little off the road in case the cops come and walk up to the front door. I found Sarah [example name of a friend of his, or maybe his sister] in the corner of the living room talking to Jacob and Ryan.

"Look who finally got here," Jacob says with a big hug.

"I just got here and your already drunk," I shake Jacob off me.

"What's got you in such a mood," Sarah says and puts her hands on her hips. I glace over to where Xavier is standing. He is in the kitchen playing what seems beer pong and has a few girls draped over him. Well I don't know if I could call it a kitchen anymore. Half of the wall is broken off and wood is molded from all over. If it weren't for the dense plants and trees surrounding this house, this party would be reported already."

You see how I used senses like sight and hearing? People want to feel like they are the main character and they can't do that without clear visualization. Also going back to previous points would be personality. You can tell that Ethan is apprehensive and annoyed without saying that. You also can get a feel for characters like Jacob, Sarah, and Xavier, even with the little interaction I gave them. Jacob is there for a good time, Sarah is a little sassy, and Xavier is a player. I did not have to say "Xavier is a player", because it is showed.

For this reason, I will give you a low score. I understand I am being harsh, but this is for you to improve your writing.

10/30

OVERALL: 47/100

I am extremely strict in my grading as I compare you to real published novels. Please do not take this personally as this is supposed to be a learning experience for you and if you found any of this offending, trust I did not mean it that way. I am also in college so my professors are just as strict :(

I like you ideas and the potential is there. If you have any questions please ask and I will gladly help.