Brooke's Book Review - Temp. Closed :(

DIARY OF AN AVERAGE NIGERIAN TEENAGE GIRL Review

Author: @Bosslady005

Title and Cover: The title is a bit long, but def unique! I can already tell this is a coming of age and be relatable. The cover is simple, but classic. Good job overall!

9/10

Grammar and Spacing:

There are several grammatical errors throughout the opening passage, including: 

Run-on sentences: Many sentences are very long and confusing. Break them up into shorter ones for easier reading. For example, the first sentence could be broken up into two. 

Punctuation: Commas are often missing or misused. Use commas to separate clauses and items in lists. For example, "OMG!!,have you seen Femi today, he's so hot and dreamyy" should be "OMG!! Have you seen Femi today? He's so hot and dreamy..."Dialogue is sometimes not formatted correctly. Each speaker should have a new line, and quotation marks should be used. For example, the line "' Oh, come on, you guys used to be best of friends you know '" should be "'Oh, come on, you guys used to be best of friends you know.'"

The spacing is mostly consistent, but some paragraphs are a bit long. Consider breaking them up into shorter ones for easier reading. Aim for 3-5 sentences per paragraph. Consider getting a beta reader or using a grammar tool to catch errors. Tools like Grammarly can be really helpful.

15/25

Plot and Characteristics:

Strengths:

The opening scene is somewhat relatable and attention-grabbing, with a sense of humor and teenage drama. This could appeal to fans of contemporary YA. The concept of a childhood friend and crush moving back is a good premise. This suggests potential for interesting conflicts and dynamics. 

Weaknesses:

The characters of Jadesola, Sophia, and Femi are introduced, but we don't know much about them beyond the basics. Consider adding more description or dialogue to flesh them out. What are their motivations, goals, and backstories? What makes them unique? The stakes are somewhat vague. What are the consequences if Jadesola gets involved with Femi? Will she get hurt? Will she lose her focus on school? 

I only read the first few chapters, so I don't know everything. But just in case here are some questions to ask yourself when continuing writing. What are the obstacles to their relationship? What secrets will be spilled? What kind of drama will ensue? How will Jadesola navigate the situation?

Show, don't tell. Instead of telling the reader things, show them through action, dialogue, and body language. For example, instead of saying "Sophia says excitedly", show her excitement through her words and actions.

25/35

Worldbuilding:

Strengths:

The setting of a school is suggested, which gives some context. This is a good start! Schools are familiar settings for many readers. The mention of "WAEC" suggests a specific educational system, which adds some uniqueness. This could appeal to readers familiar with this system.

Weaknesses:

The setting is not fleshed out. Consider adding more sensory details to bring the world to life. What does the school look, sound like? What's the atmosphere? Are there any specific locations that are important (like a cafeteria, classroom, etc.)? The world of teenage drama and crushes is somewhat generic. Consider adding more unique details or subplots to stand out. What makes Jadesola's experience different from other teenage stories? 

The Nigerian setting is hinted at, but not clearly developed. Consider adding more cultural details or references to make the story more distinct. What aspects of Nigerian culture will impact the plot and characters?

Again, I have not read the whole story, but these are just thoughts to keep in mind.

20/30

OVERALL: 69/100

This story has some potential, but is hindered by grammatical errors. I would focus on cleaning up your writing and providing more context and detail to engage the reader. With some revisions, this could be a much stronger story.

Recommendations: Revise the opening chapter to clarify the plot, characters, and setting. Consider adding more descriptions, dialogue, and sensory details. 

Develop the worldbuilding and rules of the world. What makes this school and setting unique? What are the social dynamics and cliques?

Vary sentence structure for more interest. Some sentences are a bit long and could be broken up. Aim for a mix of short, medium, and long sentences.

I hope this helps! Let me know if you have any questions or want more specific feedback. I'm happy to look at a revised version and give more feedback.