Author: @Eshi12x
Title and Cover: 10/10
The title "Whispered Obsessions" has some intrigue to it, hinting at the forbidden romance and secrets that are central to the story. The cover looks professional as well. I grade this part before I read, but judging on the cover would by if I saw in a store:
Grammar and Spacing: 20/25
The grammar and spacing are mostly clean and easy to follow. The writing is concise and does a good job of conveying the main premise of the story. However, there are a few places where commas are needed for better grammar. For example, a comma should be added after "secrets" in the first sentence for better clarity.
The story could also benefit from a bit more variation in the sentence structure to create a more dynamic rhythm. There are also a few instances of missing articles and incorrect verb forms ("has always been" instead of "had always been"). Overall, the grammar is good, but could benefit from a proofread to catch these small errors. I usually put my stuff through an ai called HyperWrite, it's like a free Grammarly.
But I really do love your writing style!! You do a really good job at showing the characters feelings. What I mean is a lot of times (especially the books I review) it's like "he was mad", but don't show he was mad. What I am trying to say is I think you have your writing skills down.
Plot and Characters: 28/35
The plot of "Whispered Obsessions" has a lot of potential. I do think the characters could be fleshed out a bit more. Kristen has a strong voice and her rebellious personality shines through, but a bit more backstory on what makes her troubled and how she's evolved as a result would make her more relatable. Then again I only read until your chapter "He Knows".
The dynamic between Kristen and her father is well-done and sets up their strained relationship nicely. The introduction of Emily as Kristen's roommate is also a good way to add some lightness and potential future allies for Kristen.
In the first actual chapter you also start telling what your going to do "I won't be following all the rules. My plan is to stir up some trouble and get myself expelled from this academy as soon as possible", I get your trying to foreshadow, but I feel this is a bit too obvious.
Overall, your plot is good for the beginning of the story. I do think Alexander is somewhat generic and could benefit from more description beyond being dangerous and mysterious, but I am sure you see more of his personality later in the book.
Worldbuilding: 25/30
The descriptions of the school's architecture and natural surroundings are vivid and help create a sense of foreboding. The contrast between the school's beauty and its dark underbelly is well-done.
I DO think you could be more specific at times like "with all those fancy pillars and fancy ceilings showing" could be worded a bit better. Try not to use fancy twice, or moreover show how they are fancy. Still you do a good job describing the area.
OVERALL: 83/100
"Whispered Obsessions" has a lot of potential! I would focus on more showing the characters personality and not telling. You do a lot of foreshadowing, which can be good at times, just don't overdo it. The best parts of a book are the unexpected twists, so keep em unexpected!
This is a good score compared to other ones, so keep up the good work! Sorry this took a while to complete :(
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Brooke's Book Review - Temp. Closed :(
General FictionThis is just another one of those book review pages. Just fyi, I am a pretty harsh grader especially about grammar, sentence structure, spacing, and wording. Just follow me and message on the second chapter comments for what book you want me to rev...
