Author: @ZESHAS
Title and Cover: 8/10
Tae is so pretty in your cover! No problem there :) The title "Unbreakable Bond" is easy to remember and suggests a strong theme of love or connection. However, it is also somewhat generic and doesn't give much sense of the story's plot or themes.
Grammar and Spacing: 10/25
There are numerous grammatical errors throughout the opening passage, including: Incorrect verb tenses: "is" and "was" are used inconsistently. Pick one tense and stick to it, unless there's a reason to switch.
Missing articles: "the" is often omitted. Include articles for clarity.
Run-on sentences: Many sentences are very long and confusing. Break them up into shorter ones for easier reading.
Punctuation: Commas are often missing or misused. Use commas to separate clauses and items in lists.
Dialogue is sometimes not formatted correctly. Each speaker should have a new line, and quotation marks should be used. The spacing is inconsistent, with some paragraphs being very long and others very short. Consider breaking up longer paragraphs into shorter ones for easier reading. I would get a beta reader or using a grammar tool to catch errors.
I am also keeping in mind that this is a fan fiction, but either fan fiction or not grammar is a big part on how your your read count!
Plot and Characteristics: 15/35
Strengths:
The opening scene is somewhat dramatic and attention-grabbing, with a sense of urgency and danger. This can hook readers and make them want to know more. This could appeal to fans of romance and fantasy.
Weaknesses:
The scene is also confusing due to the poor grammar and lack of context. Why is Shivansh Chauhan attacking them? Consider adding more exposition or backstory.
Characterization is minimal. We don't know much about Tae and Yn's relationship beyond their apparent affection for each other. Consider adding more description or dialogue to flesh them out. What are their motivations, goals, and backstories? The plot is very vague. What are Tae and Yn's past lives? How do they relate to the present? What questions do they need to answer? Consider adding more hints or clues. Sorry for going harsh just want to be honest :)
Worldbuilding: 10/30
Strengths:
There is a mention of a "king's collar" and "guards", which suggests some kind of royal or historical setting. This is a good start and suggests potential for interesting worldbuilding.
Weaknesses:
This setting is not fleshed out at all. Consider adding more sensory details to bring the world to life. What does the setting look, sound, smell like? What are the rules and customs of this world?The mention of "Chauhan haveli" is unclear - is this a specific location or cultural reference? If so, consider adding more context for readers who may not be familiar. Overall, the world of the story is very vaguely defined. Consider developing the setting, culture, and rules of the world. What's the history and politics of this world? How does the setting impact the plot and characters?
Again this is a fan fiction, but me personally I want to get involved in the story and know the in's and out's. That is what separates from a good and great fan fiction :)
OVERALL: 43/100
This story has some potential in its plot concept and opening scene, but it is heavily hindered by poor grammar, spacing, and worldbuilding. I would focus on cleaning up the technical aspects of your writing and providing more context and detail to engage the reader. With some revisions, this could be a much stronger story.
I hope this helps! Let me know if you have any questions or want more specific feedback.
Also sorry for taking a million years to finish this :(
YOU ARE READING
Brooke's Book Review - Temp. Closed :(
General FictionThis is just another one of those book review pages. Just fyi, I am a pretty harsh grader especially about grammar, sentence structure, spacing, and wording. Just follow me and message on the second chapter comments for what book you want me to rev...
