Tw: Self Harm
"Wooyoung,"
"Yeah? Is everything ok, baby?" Wooyoung asked worridly over the phone, writing down notes for grocery shopping.
"I love you," Yeosang said softly, clutching the razor in his hand.
"I love you too, listen, I gotta go. Call you later?"
"Ok, love you," Yeosang whispered, and put it down beside him. He was sitting on the bathroom floor with his legs pulled up to his chest, arm bloody from the cut he made before calling Wooyoung.
"Wait! Stay on call, I'm alone and... you know i hate it when I'm alone," Yeosang pleaded, his voice trembling slightly. He could hear the concern lacing Wooyoung's tone even through the phone.
"Okay, okay, I'll stay on the line," Wooyoung said quickly, his heart racing with worry. "Just breathe for me, alright? Can you do that?"
Yeosang took a shaky breath, his fingers tightening around the cold metal of the razor, the remnants of his earlier decision hovering in the air around him. "I'm trying," he replied, his voice barely a whisper. "But it's hard. It's so hard sometimes..."
"I know it is," Wooyoung said softly, his mind racing to find the right words. "But you're not alone right now. I'm here. Just talk to me, please."
"About what?" Yeosang asked, feeling a mix of frustration and sadness creeping over him. The darkness in his mind was heavy and suffocating, challenging the comfort Wooyoung was trying to provide.
"Anything," Wooyoung replied, his own heart heavy with desperation. "Tell me about your day. Did you eat lunch? What did you have?"
Yeosang chuckled bitterly, "You know I didn't eat. It felt pointless."
"That's not true," Wooyoung challenged gently. "You matter too much to skip meals. How about we plan a special dinner when you feel better? You can pick the restaurant." His mind raced to think of something-anything-that could lift Yeosang's spirits, even just for a moment.
"I just... I don't know if I'll feel better," Yeosang confessed, his voice cracking.
"But you can," Wooyoung insisted, his tone unwavering. "You've fought through this before, and you're stronger than you think. Remember that night at the beach? We sat under the stars, and you talked about your dreams for the future? I still believe in those dreams."
Yeosang pressed his eyes shut, trying to conjure the memory. The warmth of the sand beneath them, the sound of the waves, and Wooyoung's laughter ringing in the air felt distant. "That feels so far away," he murmured.
"It's not," Wooyoung urged, his voice gentle yet firm. "You just have to take it one step at a time. Right now, what can we do to help you feel safe? Can you put the razor down for me?"
Yeosang hesitated, the weight of both Wooyoung's request and his own internal struggle crashing over him. "I... I don't know if I can."
"Just listen to my voice. Take a deep breath for me, okay? And, if you can, just put it down beside you."
With shaky hands, Yeosang slowly placed the razor on the cool tile floor, his breath hitching as he fought the storm brewing in his mind. "I did it," he whispered, feeling a flicker of relief rush through him.
"That's so brave, Yeosang. I'm so proud of you," Wooyoung said softly, a wave of warmth flooding through him. "You're not alone. Keep talking to me, okay? I'm right here."
In that moment, as Wooyoung's voice enveloped him, Yeosang felt a small glimmer of hope pierce through the darkness. Maybe, just maybe, he could find his way back.
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"Baby, i need to pay the groceries, stay on the line," Wooyoung said after a bit of talking about cuddling and snacks.
"Ok, get Marlboro red too," Yeosang sniffled as he wiped his eyes, still trembling on the bathroom floor. The sound of Wooyoung fumbling with his wallet and the rustling of plastic bags brought a semblance of normalcy to the tense air.
"Got it, Marlboro Reds. Anything else chocolate-related?" Wooyoung called out, trying to keep the mood light despite the weight of the conversation they had just shared.
Yeosang let out a small, sad laugh. "You know me too well. Maybe some chocolate bars... and that ice cream we like?"
"Of course! The double chocolate fudge?" Wooyoung's voice was bright, but Yeosang could sense the underlying worry there as well.
"Yeah," he murmured, leaning back against the cool tile. He could hear the faint sounds of the grocery store in the background-carts rolling, distant conversations, the beeping of registers. It grounded him, the normalcy of it all.
"Okay, just a few more things," Wooyoung said, as Yeosang could hear him talking to the cashier. "What about your favorite chips?"
"Ugh, I don't think I can even look at food right now," Yeosang said, suddenly feeling the weight of his own hunger pressing down on him. The mention of snacks made his stomach twist uneasily.
"Hey, I get that. Let's focus on what you want when you're feeling better. We can have a little feast or something," Wooyoung suggested, his voice reassuring, as if he was crafting a plan that would distract and pull Yeosang from the depths of his mind.
"Yeah, a feast," Yeosang echoed quietly, an image of comfort and warmth creeping in. "With you?"
"Always with me," Wooyoung responded, his tone softening. "I wouldn't have it any other way. You're my favorite person. Just hang in there for a little while longer, okay?"
Yeosang bit his lip, feeling a surge of affection for the man on the other end of the line. "I am trying, Wooyoung. I really am."
"Good. And I'll be right here with you through it all. Just waiting for you to feel ready. Let's get through grocery shopping first, and then we can plan our feast," Wooyoung encouraged.
As he listened to the faint conversation and the beeping register, Yeosang felt a small sense of safety. It was nice to lean on someone, to let himself be vulnerable. "Okay, I'm here. I can do this."
"You can!" Wooyoung cheered. "Just one more thing to grab, and then I'll be home, okay? You can help me put everything away."
"Okay," Yeosang replied, the mundane task providing a sense of normalcy that he desperately craved. "I'll be waiting."
"Good. See you soon, baby," Wooyoung said, and the warmth in his voice made Yeosang feel a little more whole, the darkness starting to recede just a little. With each moment they shared, no matter how small, he was beginning to believe that hope was still within reach.
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