Look Me in the Eyes (and tell me that it's me) [Zhongchili]

Chapter 26 - Look Me In The Eyes (and tell me that it's me)

Ajax hears back from the Fatui the very same day, through an email written personally by none other than Harbinger Pulcinella himself. He is "very pleased" to hear that Ajax "has realised his potential" and will be "delighted to welcome him" during their next intake of new recruits at the start of autumn, which is coincidentally less than two weeks away.

This suits Ajax perfectly well. The sooner the better. Mother is as skittish as a fieldmouse around him, Father barely looks at him, and even his siblings don't quite look at him the same. It's for the better if he gets out of their space and dedicates himself to his craft in an organisation designed to support it.

The one remaining issue is Zhongli.

For the first few days, Ajax can't bring himself to tell him, replying to Zhongli's eager propositions to meet up with enough excuses and one-word answers that Zhongli's propositions turn into messages of concern, asking if Ajax is alright, if he's in trouble, if he needs help. After several days of blowing Zhongli off while he decides what to do, and feeling like a complete asshole for doing so, Ajax can't take it any more—it's time to tell Zhongli what's going on.

Fortunately, it's not long before he receives another worried message from Zhongli.

Zhongli: I cannot deny that I am growing increasingly concerned for your welfare, Ajax. Are you certain there is no trouble that I might be able to assist with?

Ajax: No, no trouble. But we do need to meet up. There's something I need to tell you.

Zhongli: Ah, I see. You are welcome at my home whenever you wish to speak.

It's clear what Zhongli expects the topic of conversation to be, and Ajax doesn't correct him. He hasn't decided what he's doing about Zhongli—about their relationship—yet. Before, a quick stint of a few years apart while he was in the Fatui seemed reasonable, a quick and easy way to get some money doing what he's good at before hopping off to Liyue with Zhongli. But now the underbelly of Snezhnaya has revealed itself fully, a great, stinking carcass that needs a complete gutting to rid it from the rot growing within.

Ajax is going to need a hell of a lot longer than a couple of years.

But Ajax likes Zhongli. Ajax is supposed to be with Zhongli, which makes it all the harder to pack the box containing the chopsticks into his backpack. He takes each one out before packing them, running his fingers over the intertwined creatures soaring happily together in their eternal paradise.

He doesn't want to lose Zhongli. But if Zhongli can't accept this choice, he might have to. Zhongli can't be left worrying and waiting at home, hoping and hoping that Ajax will change his mind. But he can't think about that now. Talk first, sort it out. Returning the chopsticks is only a backup plan, and hopefully it won't come to that.

And if it does, at least he can leave Zhongli with the memory of one last night together.

He makes the walk across town, careful to check that he's not being tailed by any unsavoury characters and arrives at Zhongli's place. Zhongli lets him in at the buzzer and he makes his way up to Zhongli's apartment, where Zhongli is already waiting by the open door.

"Ajax." Zhongli steps back to allow him inside, maintaining a careful distance between them. "It is good to see your face."

"I could say the same." Ajax shucks off his backpack and kicks off his shoes while Zhongli closes the door behind him. "Feels like it's been ages."

"Indeed. It grows remarkably quiet without your voice to brighten this space. But there is something you wish to tell me?"

Zhongli's arms are folded neatly behind his back. It's far too formal, and Ajax doesn't like it one bit. Usually, Zhongli would greet him with a tight embrace, a kiss, and an elaborate statement of his affection. But today, everything is wrong, and they both know it, the tension striking the air with static, fizzing and crackling and setting Ajax's hair on its ends.