ᴘᴏꜱꜱᴇꜱꜱɪᴠᴇ, ᴏʙꜱᴇꜱꜱɪᴠᴇ (𝘴𝘢𝘪𝘬𝘪 𝘬𝘶𝘴𝘶𝘰)

𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗 49 (𝔠𝔞𝔫'𝔱)

i can't or i shouldn't?

𝖜𝖊𝖊𝖐 3; 𝖒𝖆𝖐𝖔𝖙𝖔 𝖙𝖊𝖗𝖚𝖍𝖆𝖘𝖍𝖎

𝔴𝔢𝔡𝔫𝔢𝔰𝔡𝔞𝔶

. . .

"yan."

you rubbed your eyes, groaning at the sudden push of a certain someone that speaks in telepathic communication. "...ughh.. what?" grumpy morning mood takes control over your words. "wake up. i want to talk to you." his voice rang in your head. not your ears, your head. "why not later?" you tossed and turned in your bed, almost pretending that the boy wasn't quite literally standing right in front of your bed as he poked your arm. which that said arm was numb after sleeping on it the entire night. you just felt static in it when it was touched.

"i need to talk to you now, if we do it later, then i won't have the peace of mind." your eyebrow cocks at his words. "..what is it?" sitting up, you find your hair all frizzled. your eyes open. kusuo was right in front of you. literal inches away. your noses could touch if you leaned forward. your eyes widen, and he noticed, but you didn't pull away. 

"yesterday," he murmured, his face still stoic as usual, "what did you mean when you said go back to teruhashi?" ah. so that's what he wanted to talk about. you think, mentally sighing and had the urge to go back to bed to escape this. "...nothing." 

he gives you a stare, but it instead almost looks like a glare, "no, it's not nothing, and i want to know." you sit sternly. "uhmm.." you try to think of an excuse. "maybe let's not right now...? i can't think clearly, yeah, and i don't want to say anything i'll regret later." you say, stretching and yawning. "..fine. good grief. you better tell me later.." he teleports away, just almost a slight change in his usual stoic expression, with his brows slighly furrowed. was he worried or was he angry or what?

you watch as he flashes, jolting at the wind that came of him. "why did i even say that..?" you say tiredly, stomping your feet on the floor as you think. 

i must've been crazy when i said that yesterday. what was i even trying to aim for? was i looking for.. reassurance..? that he would tell me "i want to stay with you, you're so much better than teruhashi!"? that's not like kusuo though. and i know that for a fact. there's no reason for me otherwise to say something as bold as that.

and it's quite embarrassing. 

how am i supposed to explain that to him later? "oh i'm jealous over teruhashi." NO! hell no. what makes you (you as in the voices) think i'd confess THAT to him? nope. never in my wildest dreams. as if. there's absolutely no way to redeem myself from here. dammit.

WAIT, WAIT, i have an idea. listen, hear me out, what if i just sayyy..... waiitt... cue the death note internal monologue music...... what iffff...

nevermind. i lied. i don't have an idea.

'cause what am i supposed to sayyyyy?! "i just saw that you were with her and i fled because i didn't want to be forced with her huge crowd, and i know she'd probably be looking for you so maybe to ease her, it'd have been best if uh you just stayed with her." ....that might actually work. biggest lie, but it might work. 

fine. i'll say that. it hurts me personally that i'm making kusuo think i think so highly of teruhashi, but there's no way around it. teruhashi.. i've been calling her by her last name. but her first name is so pretty. but i know, as long as i'm jealous of her, i don't deserve to call her by her first name. it's just me, but i respect her. i don't want to make us grow closer while i'm so envious of her.. that's.. kind of wrong.