Fragments Of Love Series Part 2: Healing Love [ SandRay - Only Friends ]

Settlement Among Friends

He didn't know how, but Sand had ended up back at the Only Friends Stay. Again with Ray, again in the place that was one of the biggest triggers for him. And yet there he was, still sitting by the pool with Ray, drinking non-alcoholic cocktails and letting the sun shine on his body.

"Thanks for coming." Ray turned his head to Sand and gave him a smile.

"I had nothing better to do." A lie. He had made something up with Nick.

"Thanks anyway, you didn't have to come." Ray's eyes fell on the book in Sand's hands. He tilted his head, trying to make out the title.

"I hate...you..." Ray narrowed his eyes. "Don't leave me?" He laughed. "What kind of stupid book title is that?" Sand sat up and closed the book.

"It's a guide about borderline personality disorder." The expression that crossed Ray's face was one of surprise with a little confusion, and a hint of "How could I ever not love you?"

"Are you reading the book for me?" Sand didn't have to answer, his look told Ray everything he needed to know. "You don't have to..."

"But I want to. I want to know how I can best help you, how I can support you." Sand turned to Ray and placed a hand on his shoulder. "We're friends, aren't we? And friends help each other, right?" Ray swallowed hard. Friends, were they really friends?

"And to what conclusion have you come to so far?" He looked at Sand with a grin.

"That it will be difficult. And that I'm sorry that you have to feel all of this. I think I would go crazy." Sand placed the book on the lounger next to him and looked seriously at Ray. "What does inner emptiness feel like?"

"Inner emptiness?" Ray took one of the cigarettes out of his pack and lit it. "Can't describe it that well to be honest. If you close your left eye, you can't see anything, right? It is not darkness that you see, it is nothingness, as if the left eye were no longer there." Sand closed his left eye.

"I have never thought about it. But you are right." He closed both eyes. "If I close both eyes, there is darkness, everything is black, I see black. But if it's just one eye," Sand opened his right eye again. "Then it's as if the left doesn't exist. But I know that it is there and that I can open it again at any time."

"This is what inner emptiness feels like. It's the absence of emotions. They are simply non-existent, a nothing. I subconsciously know what certain emotions feel like, but I can't feel them. And everything becomes monotonous, no love, no joy, but also no fear or sadness. It is the state that I have either tried to cover up or create through my alcohol consumption. Because sometimes that inner emptiness is better than the screaming of depression or fear." Ray took a deep breath and took another drag on his almost finished cigarette. "It's good to finally have a name for it." Sand nodded. It pained him that Ray even had to feel these things.

"Can we stop talking about me all the time?" Ray put out his cigarette in the ashtray. "How are you doing? And don't get the idea to avoid it, I know you like to push your problems away, but I won't go along with that anymore." Sand swallowed hard.

"It's alright. Every time I'm here, memories come back, you know?" Sand looked around. "Pretty unpleasant memories." A shocked expression formed on Ray's face.

"Then why are you here? Damn, Sand. You have to tell me stuff like that, communication, you know? I wouldn't have invited you if I had known that. We can also go somewhere else." Ray stood up and began to gather his things when Sand gently held his arm.

"No, I have to face this. I'll never process it any other way." He smiled at Ray, who was now slowly sitting down again. "But I give you credit for doing that for me."