I had a terrible day. Isn't it funny how different days can be just a few hours apart? I'm giving myself a two for the day unfortunately. I am unhappy with having more than one 2 day in the same week. I didn't get any sleep and tossed and turned as my mind plagued me with worries, fears, and insecurities. Then I slept past my alarm and didn't have time to make my bed. I realized whatever sleep I had gotten I had done terribly wrong, because my back was sore and bothered me all day. I didn't eat anything unhealthy, but I also didn't have a single full meal today. I didn't exercise, and I really didn't do anything of note. I tried to listen to my book, but didn't realize there were only twenty minutes left in it and it was mostly review.
The only thing I weirdly did well today was maintain an exceptionally good mood for about two thirds of the day. Between the manic energy from lack of sleep and the coffee I chugged first thing in the morning I was vibrating with energy for hours. I was dancing and singing and joking with coworkers and telling myself, "yeah f*ck that guy you just cut out of your life yesterday, you don't need him or anyone, you are a goddess".
Unfortunately once I crashed, I crashed hard. It was a physical and mental blow of epic proportions. I have been so exhausted since that I can barely move and the depression is literally crushing me as I type this. I took a very long bubble bath, cared for my pets, and have just been laying around reading a steamy romance novel in an attempt to feel a sliver of joy again. It was difficult to put the novel down to write this. I am very ashamed of letting someone else drag me into this level of self-loathing again. I know that physical exhaustion had a hand in it, but emotionally I have been viscously torn apart by someone that couldn't care less about me...again. I know that these situations will become easier as I strengthen my mind and body, but at the moment I am a failure.
I hope you all have had better days then I did today.
Til tomorrow my braver-than-me comrades,
-C.
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Brave New Life
Non-FictionThis is my (hopefully) life-changing blog. I'm not writing this for fun, fame, fortune, or any other reason, but to keep myself accountable. If you read this and find any inspiration or motivation, then that's fantastic and I am glad to be of assist...
