Brave New Life

Day Forty/Forty-One

It finally happened. I missed writing a day. You might assume that meant I did horribly yesterday, but in fact it was a decent day. I ate well and did house chores and spent an hour pedaling on my exercise bike while watching TV. I didn't do much else apart from that, but I think that's okay. I didn't write because it was girls night. So I did go out and drink, but I really didn't overdo it and it was the first time I've drank or smoked in over a month. It was nice to take a break from constant self-work and just be a normal care-free person for a night. I could so easily see the appeal of my old life last night. The freedom, the fun, the ease of it. 

But when I awoke today, I felt so much anxiety from the thoughts I had last night. I had so much fear of losing what little I have gained from all my hard work lately. Even though I had a small hangover I got up and ran my errands for the day. I have spent the rest of the day not doing much else, but resetting my mindset. I saw a video of me dancing last night and realized I still have so far to go to reach my goals. I could barely stand to look at the person in that video. I have so much work to do, I can't let the temptation of ease lure me back into my old lifestyle. There's nothing wrong with having fun, but I have to be really strict with myself until I get more consistent in my discipline.

This week's goal: Get back on a regular exercise regiment. Make an actual daily exercise schedule and follow it. I also slipped a little in my dieting this week. I believe I still remained calorie deficient everyday, but I didn't hit my daily vegetable goals a single day this week and let myself have too many carbs. I am not shocked that I haven't lost anymore weight. In fact my scale two days ago said I had gained  a pound back, much to my dismay. I can't tolerate myself right now because how I let myself slip this week. 

Anyway, I'm giving myself a 3 for yesterday and a 2 for today. You may think that's crazy because  went out and drank, smoked, and skipped my self-reflection time yesterday. But, socializing is important and emotional intelligence is something I am trying to work on. Also, going out gave me the kick in the butt motivation I needed to get back on track, so something good came from it. 

I slept in too long today and am not tired at all. After my shower, I am going to finish my housework for the evening, possibly even make that exercise plan. I will have a rough day of work tomorrow probably from lack of sleep, but I will be okay. 

Til tomorrow my brave comrades,

-C.