Satan's Sinner's #3: Becca and Bullet

**Chapter 1

Becca POV

I just stared at the man I used to know. The one who I used to cling to. The one who I thought was going to be my forever. The one who tossed me aside for someone else. I couldn't find it in me to give a fuck. The bitterness was running through my veins. Parker was doing his best to shield Grey and me from his glaring. He. Crushed. Me. I was so vulnerable with him when we first met. He protected me and made me feel so safe and secure. He ripped that away from me. He doesn't get to stand there and ask for jackshit from me.

"She is, isn't she?"

I chose to keep my mouth shut, taking a deep breath. I'll talk to him when I'm damn well and ready. There's just one bit of information he needs. To know. Hope this clues him into how badly he's fucked him. "Please leave us alone. My daughter doesn't have a father." He reared his head back like I'd slapped him. Looking over Parker's shoulder at him, he looked stricken.

"What happened to the sweet Becca? Huh?"

"She died the day she saw the love of her life kissing another woman back. A woman, mind you, that she'd tried to warn him against multiple times. One who he'd placed above her too many times to count!" I was getting louder, but still trying to stay calm for Grey. That's right, stay calm for Grey, "Please leave us alone," I said as coolly as I could while giving him the iciest expression I could muster when all I wanted was to fall apart.

I wasn't trying to notice him. But he looked even better than when I left him. His voice still did things to me. I'm sure his touch would be just as dangerous. I cannot think properly around him, and I know I need to keep my distance. But my heart is screaming at me that this is wrong. That we're supposed to be with him like it has been screaming for eighteen months. Non. Stop. Screaming. For that man who reached into my chest, ripped the heart that calls only for him out, and stomped all over it. Why? Why is it still calling for him?

"Please," I can feel my armor cracking. It's spidering, like when glass gets a crack in it. It starts to get spider cracks off the main crack, ready to bust and leave me vulnerable in front of him again. Just as I go to drop my head, Parker grabs my face. My gaze meets his, and he shakes his head slightly whispering, "Stay strong beautiful. Don't crack yet. I'm getting you out of here."

"Bullet! How have you been, fucker? Have you thought about what you did?" Kai asked, putting himself directly in front of Bullet, every time he moved to see us. Parker stood up, helping me while I was holding Grey tightly against my body. He walked us back into Indie's house and up the stairs to a little office with a gorgeous window seat. Grey was almost asleep from all the activity, when Parker held his fingers up to his lips, making sure I knew to be quiet. He quietly cranked the window open a little, letting the voices waft up so we could hear what was being said.

"You have no business being here." Kai sounded pissed.

"I was bringing some club business for these two to look over. How was I supposed to know you're coming home today? And with my girl and...and daughter?!"

"She stopped being yours the minute you kissed that, Tart! You know the trust issues she has! You know how much it took for her to trust and love you! What happened, huh? The past come back and you think you made a mistake in choosing Becca?"

Silence. That's all there is. I knew it. But it still hurts like a bitch. Picking at that open, gaping wound in my cheek that never seems to fully close. Or at all. It's still as raw as day one, but I keep that to myself. 

"You thought she was a mistake?!" Kai growled out, sounding like he was one minute away from sprouting fur and ripping Bullet to shreds. I've never heard my brother-in-law sound this...feral, before. I looked at Parker whose nostrils were flaring and he looked at me. We were thinking about the feral-sounding Kai and going to two totally different places. I had to look away so I didn't burst into laughter, as Parker blushed like a fucking virgin just before he loses it to his first love!

"I thought..." he paused, letting a sigh out..."I thought she was making a mistake by settling with me. I'm not good enough for her."

"And why is that?" I could picture Kai, arms crossed over his chest, chest puffed out, one eyebrow raised at Bullet, rocking back and forth on his feet, glaring at the man until he told him all of the truth he wanted to hear. 

"Because. I believed her when she told me Becca was probably going to attract some doctor and get married to him. Because that's what most nurses try to do. And Becca has always deserved the best. A doctor, someone better off, could give that to her."

"Do you hear yourself? She's a beautiful woman! There are a lot of men attracted to her. But she's the most loyal and selfless person we know! She and Parker! They are in medicine because they care! Because they never got that!" Kai shouted! A ping on someone's phone and a low chuckle came from Kai. "You're lucky there are kids here. Because I want to give you the second punch I owe you. But that will have to come later."

Ten minutes later, we have all three kids and we're safely back inside our house. Kai ordered takeout from that Chinese place we love so much, on our way back over. The kids all love the chicken low mein, so it's a yummy, easy dinner night for everyone. We set out the General Tso's, the bourbon chicken, the sweet and sour chicken, all the fried rice, and about twenty egg rolls. Because they're delicious and a great snack. Plus, there's always leftovers. And what's leftover Chinese without leftover egg rolls? We're all tired, and we all have to be up and out of the house early. Easy.

I'm finally touring the daycares in the area for Grey. I'd rather not have to see if the club ladies can watch Grey for me. I don't want her near Bullet. Plain and simple. Not until I know what to tell him. And that's going to take some thinking. Parker and I have orientation at the hospital, so we're riding together, and then he's coming with me to check out daycares. I need something with good security and fun teachers. And if I don't find one, I like I guess I'll have to keep searching. These I'm seeing tomorrow are ones that I put myself on their waitlist when I was pregnant and we were only going to gone for a year, then that got extended. But thankfully, they still have availability.

After rocking Grey while reading her bedtime story, she fell asleep in my arms. I laid her down, kissing her goodnight. Looking down at my beautiful little girl, I couldn't help but let my thoughts take me to places they shouldn't be. I imagined if this moment were to take place in the beautiful nursery we painstakingly designed for the new home we'd been building. We had planned for our baby we didn't have yet. In the house that we'd spent months designing, and picking out decorations and furniture. I imagined Bullet watching me rock our girl from the doorway, then watching me lay her down, coming up behind me. Kissing my shoulder, whispering in my ear that I did good because she was perfect. I imagined what this moment would feel like if we were a real family. 

I had to stop. Tears spring to my eyes because I can see it all so clearly. Feel it all, so, so clearly. I can almost feel his breath on my neck as he says it to me. As he tells me he loves me. I move as quickly and quietly as I can to go back to my room, rushing to the bathroom. I turn on the water in the shower, sitting under the stream, clothes on, sobbing. Trying to hide my cries and tears from Kai and Parker.

I'm breaking because I want that with every fiber of my being. I want to be a family. With Cameron. I wish we had been from the start! But I know I can't. How do you trust after that? How do you feel okay knowing you can't see what they're doing? Are you ever able to move past the hurt? Are you ever able to heal again?

Are you ever able to trust?