Satan's Sinner's #3: Becca and Bullet

Chapter 20

Cameron POV

It's been two weeks since we talked. She hasn't called or sent a text. She hasn't let me know anything. I mean, I know I said I'd give her time, and I will, this just sucks. Parker texted me and told me that he will be doing the pick/drop off and information pass with Grey so she doesn't have to see, or speak to me. This feels like she's done. This feels like she's not coming back. Like telling her the God's honest truth cost me the love of my life. 

But I know that's not true.

Truth is, I probably lost her the night I chose not to listen to her about Bethany. When I kissed her. When I dismissed all her concerns. Well, seeing as it's a Friday night, sounds like a good night to drown myself in a bottle. Just as I make my way to the door, there's a knock. Cautiously opening it, I find Hacker.

"Hey man. Mind if we talk about the house?" He says, all hopeful and shit. I nod, pointing out of the room, as I step out, closing the door.

"I'm on my way to the bar in the main room to grab a bottle. I think I've fucked up everything with Becca. I just wanna drink myself stupid. Which I can do after we talk about the house. But I want a bottle first," I say as we walk into the main room. There's a party going and it's in full swing. There are half naked whores everywhere; brothers getting sucked and fucked. Old ladies are getting into the moment dancing and enticing their men for what's to come later. It hurts seeing it, knowing I'll likely never get that. Not if she's really done with me.

Reaching behind the bar, I grab a bottle and pull it up. Looking at the amber liquid, I check the label. Whiskey.

And it's Irish. Score! Hacker shakes his head as we make our way back to my room. He followed inside behind me, shutting the door.

"Mind if I video call Raven? She had some questions too." I nod as he pulls up zoom on my computer at the desk. This guy is so tech savvy, he had all of the rooms outfitted with hidden cameras, all connected to the same network, but that are backed up on hard drives and in the cloud. He also made sure that he can log on to any device in the whole clubhouse from anywhere. It's pretty cool, actually.

I'm pouring out a glass for myself when I hear "Hey babe!" from Hacker and see a smiling Raven on the screen. I want that. But only with Becca. We talk for probably two hours. Hacker took her to the house last week when she was in town for a visit. They're really cute together. I'm happy that someone will be happy in the house. I told him when I was thinking about selling it that I can't see myself living there, or anywhere other than this shitty room, without Becca. I know I'll need my own place soon so Grey can start staying the night with me and coming over.

I'm about three glasses deep when Hacker gets a text from Prez.

"I'll be right back. Raven if you have anymore questions about the house, ask him. I'll be back soon." He walks out, as I chat with Raven. She's asking what our thoughts were for each room, telling me she loves some of the furniture that's in there, asking if they can add that to the total cost of the home. I want to tell her to keep it all, but I know I need to ask Becca first. She was the one who picked it all out.

"Just let me talk with her first. Then, after she's decided, I'll let you guys keep whatever you want from the house. No charge. You guys are family. And I honestly never thought he'd be able to find someone." I smiled at her, feeling way more honest than I should be feeling with all the alcohol in me. "Sorry. I guess I need to slow down on the sauce. It's making me way more honest that I would be normally."

There was a knock on the door, and I got up to answer the door. Opening, I was not expecting to see Becca standing there.

"Are you busy?"

"Just talking with Hacker and Raven about the house." She nodded.

"Do you mind if we talk? If you're busy I can come back." She turned like she was going to leave.

"NO!" I said a little too loudly, my hand shooting out to grab her arm, worried she'd leave and I wouldn't get to talk to her for another two weeks, "Stay. You can say hi to Raven. She's on video chat." I step back from the door, opening it further letting her walk in. She looked on the screen and waved at Raven.

They chatted for a bit, before Hacker came back and said it was going to take all night, and he'd talk with us more tomorrow. We said good night to them both, and once Hacker left, the quiet filled the room.

"So, you had something you wanted to talk about?" I asked, hesitantly. Sitting on the fold out couch in my room while she sat at my desk chair. She looked at me for a few moments before starting.

"I wanted to talk to you about what we talked about the other night," she maintained eye contact, pausing to make sure that I was receptive to what she wants to talk about. "Are you...in the right state of mind?" She asked nodding to the bottle of whiskey on my desk.

"Yeah. Only three glasses."

"Three?"

"Yeah. I, uh," fuck it. I've been honest as hell so far. Let's keep it going. No sense in hiding it, "I started drinking tonight because I thought that...you were done. With me." I could feel my throat tightening, "With us."

She was just watching me, so, in my slightly intoxicated state, I kept talking. "You weren't seeing me, even going so far as to have Parker do any meet ups with me and talk to me about anything regarding Grey. I thought you were putting distance between us because you decided. I started drinking tonight because I didn't wanna feel the pain of rejection. Just for tonight. Because I know I would have felt it tomorrow and every day for the rest of my life. I just wanted one night to forget about all the hurt." I swallowed, "I was getting ready to lock the door and shut myself in when Hacker asked to talk about the house."

"The house?"

"Yeah. They wanna buy. And I can't keep it knowing you wouldn't be living there with me."

"That's awesome!" She smiled. What was awesome? Selling the house? Not living with her? The unknown was killing me. "So, I was thinking," she continued, "I want to give us a chance. I did a lot of sessions with my therapist the last few weeks. She and I have done a lot of talking and working through different situations, various fears and worries I have. And I've come to a decision regarding us." I could barely hear what she said past, 'I want to give us a chance' but I force myself to focus because she deserves me to hear everything. 

"Just tell me. I'll be able to handle it. What ever it is. Whatever you want to do, I will respect it." I was choking out the last of that sentence. I was fighting back tears. I was struggling to keep my eyes from getting glassy and keeping myself together. My hands were balled into fists on my legs. I needed to keep them from shaking. It felt like my body was vibrating with tension. I was falling apart inside. My heart is beating wildly inside my chest. It feels like it's falling going to burst.

Ready for her to tell me my life is over. I'll be alone forever. I'll be a single, part-time dad. Can you feel your heart breaking? Is that a real thing?

"I want to give us an honest shot. Jumping to leave right away was not the right move, and I'm sorry for causing you that stress. That wasn't fair. That was my heart break talking. I've been working on that," she paused, taking a deep breath, "It's not going to be easy for us. I will probably always have some kind of trauma regarding her and other women around you. The trust is slowly building. If we keep on this road, I feel like we will be able to be okay."

"I won't accept just okay. I will make sure that we are great!" I am full on sobbing, barely choking out these words. I launch myself from the couch onto her. I have my arms around her hips, my head in her lap as I cry. Thank God. She took me back. She's giving me a chance.

"I want to build the new house. But I don't want you there right away, mainly because I want to go in and take a few old pieces to save and I want those to be a surprise."

"Anything. Anything you want."

I squeezed her tighter, burying my face in her lap. This feels so good.

This.

This is home.

This is where I am loved.