I really enjoy writing and I have been writing poems for a while, I'm finally gaining the confidence to share them, some are extremely personal to me and discuss some topics that may make people uncomfortable so please check the tws. Most of them a...
I was in the 4th grade when I had a crush on a girl for the first time
She was new to my class, and when she walked in, my stomach fluttered
Since I was the “ good girl” my teacher had me show her around
I learned so much about her that day
Her name was Kennedy Her favorite color was blue like me Her favorite princess was Belle She hated broccoli She moved here from New York. And so much more
When I got home, I told my mom the story but changed her to him. I had seen the news and heard the aunty's in church saying that liking a person the same gender as you was wrong.
My mom told me that the feeling in my stomach was butterflies That they happened because I had a crush on that “boy”
That night, I cried myself to sleep I prayed to God to change me Because being this way was a sin
My abuela was very religious, so we always had holy water laying around I grabbed a bottle and doused myself in it
I went to sleep I woke up thinking that everything I did changed me overnight But I walked into school
And I saw Kennedy And I felt the butterflies
I wanted to cry And scream And ask God why he didn't change me
But I never did I just lived with it
I moved to a different town in 5th grade Life was rocky
My Mom and dad got divorced My grandpa died It was rough
I came out to my mom when I was 13 I told her that I hope it didn't change anything I told her that I knew it was wrong and I knew how God felt about me. I cried and apologized to her. We cried together for several minutes before she told me she loved me and what she believed.
She told me she didn't think it was wrong, and she didn't think that God thought that either. She said that they both would love me no matter what.
Time passed I had realized I was bi Part of me longed to be “normal” Fast Forward
Freshman year 1st period Algebra
I walked into a practically full class I saw an empty seat and I took it In the row in front of me, but across from my desk was a girl
She was beautiful She had long black curls Glasses Our uniforms complimented her skin tone wonderfully I learned that her name was Lillyanna
I was too scared to talk to her But I made sure to wait until she was done packing her things every day to leave I walked out behind her
She smelled like vanilla Warm and Inviting I worked up the courage to tell her that Her shoe was untied, and I was so awkward about it.
That year was full of lots of things But in March My best friend met me for lunch
He brought a friend this time Lillyanna He introduced us I said I recognized her from our math class
She was on her phone, not paying attention, and so I whispered to my friend about the crush I had on her
He laughed That day started a 1 year and 8 month battle
I began meeting them for lunch She told me she preferred going by Lilly I got lillys number We texted every day after school
She confided in me about a lot of things Personal things Things that I would never tell a soul
My best friend told me that Lilly liked me back I was ecstatic Her and I confessed to each other But she wasn't ready
So I agreed to wait From April 24th of 2023 To September 27th of 2023 I waited.
We finally started dating on September 27 of 2023. We were sophomores It was great, at first
Then came the constant fighting and disagreements It was hard to talk to one another when the other wouldn't communicate their feelings
I didn't know what to do Valentines Day came, and we got each other wonderful things I never smiled so hard in my life
Then, the little romantic I had said those 3 magic words On April 24th (the day we confessed to each other) she told me she loved me
The joy I felt couldn't be surpassed by anything in the world
That's until the first week of May On May 1st, she told me she wasn't gonna be at lunch with me that week. She wasn't feeling up to it. I said ok From May 2nd, she was ok We talked you'd think everything was fine On May third, I just wanted to check on her I reminded her I was here for her She ignored me until May 5th
May 5th Cinco de Mayo I got sent the longest text I've ever received from her
She was saying goodbye She was leaving me In the end, she apologized for ignoring me
Once again, I cried myself to sleep Once again, I begged God to change me Not because of how I felt, then But because of how I felt now I couldn't be hurt like this
It was painful But I was getting through it Until August 7th of 2024 Well, August 8th, but really early
It was 12:07 in the morning My phone received an Instagram dm I woke up at 12:37 am. and checked my phone
1 new message Lily “It's late, I know, but I didn't forget, happy birthday”
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
I wish she had forgotten It wasn't her place to remember anymore So why did she
I couldn't do it I can't do it I wished once more for god to change me
Why can't I have a good love I love her But she doesn't want me But she still cares If nothing else, God, Please just make me forget about her
