Spot: A World of Perfection

XVIII: Therapeutic Sex

I wake up in a cold sweat. Every time I put myself to sleep, I see Uncle Kam's face. The evil, haunting look in his eyes that warned me I wasn't safe. The hurt of him forcing himself in me is one that I'll never forget.

I glance at the clock. It's two am.

"Nightmare?" I hear. I look over and Kiyan is sitting in his chair-right leg across the left-, reading. His glasses are hanging low on the tip of his nose and his eyes are glued to his book.

"Mhm..."

He puts a bookmark in his book then closes and sets it aside. He uncrosses his legs and manspreads then opens his arms, "come here."

I peel the covers off of me then crawl out over and out of bed on his side. I walk over to him, "hm?"

"Sit down. Let's talk until you sleep."

"On your... lap?"

"Well, where else would you lay your pretty little head? Sit, Suki."

I take a deep breath then adjust my sleeves so they cover my hands then I slowly lower myself onto Kiyan's right lap. His places his right hand on my back and his left on my thigh and he looks up at me through the top of his glasses, "so. What have you been seeing in your nightmares? Him?"

I ignore the butterflies fluttering in my stomach and respond, "yes."

"Mm. I talked to your mother. You have a therapy appointment in the morning at nine. I'll be taking you and I'll pick you up as well."

"Okay... why aren't you asleep though? You told me you only read when your mind is racing and you can't sleep too."

"Don't worry about me, just worry about getting yourself together, Suki."

"How can I not worry about you, Kiyan? Especially when you could be losing sleep because of me. My parents haven't been sleeping, and apparently my grandparents and friends haven't either. It's only common sense that my boyfriend wouldn't. I'm sorry for causing you so much trouble." I become teary eyed.

He does too. He takes his glasses off and covers his eyes, "I should've told your mother."

I lean into him and whisper, "please stop, Kiyan. I hate hearing everyone take the blame for something I could've avoided if I had said something. It wasn't your fault."

"I've only just met you and I feel like I've known you my whole life. I feel so drawn and attached to you, like I'm supposed to protect you, and I couldn't even do that. It's killing me that he touched you. You're mine and no one else's."

I laugh, "mm. I'll be okay eventually."

"Eventually is too long. You shouldn't have to be coping anyway."

I sigh, "yeah, well, things happen. Life is hard, but I'm just going to have to suck it up and get over what hap-"

Kiyan sits up with me still in his arms, "no, you don't! Why do you keep undermining your own pain, Suki? It's driving me fucking mad!"

"I do!"

"Why do you keep saying this stuff?! What's your problem?!"

"Because what happened to me could've been avoided but I was being stupid! I deserved what happened to me, Kiyan!"

He grips both of my wrists and stands both of us up, then pins me down onto the bed, "don't say that shit again. I don't care how you feel or how fucking upset you are, don't ever let those filthy fucking words escape your goddamn lips again."

My lips quiver and I eventually start bawling my eyes out, "I'm so lost. I don't even feel like myself anymore."

With my wrists still in his hands, he lowers his face to mine and touches our foreheads together, "no one expects you to, Suki, and nobody blames or faults you. We're all hurting, yes, but you are and are allowed to hurt the most, Suki."