Nasa bar kami ni Wanwan, at hindi ko na mabilang kung ilang bote ng alak na ang nainom ko. Wanwan kept trying to stop me, but I just wanted to drink until I couldn’t feel anything anymore. Pero kahit anong inom ko, hindi pa rin nawawala ang sakit. My thoughts kept drifting back to Yoko, and the reality that she didn’t want to see me was like a knife twisting in my gut. The longing for Yoko was gnawing at me, every second na hindi ko siya kasama felt like a stab in the chest.
"Faye, tama na, lasing na lasing ka na." Wanwan's voice was gentle but firm, pilit n'yang kinukuha ang bote ng alak sa kamay ko, pero lalo ko pang hinigpitan ang hawak ko.
"My situation’s so fucking hard, Wan. Yoko doesn’t want to see me, and I can’t explain what really happened. Putangina pa n’yang Lux na ’yan!" Hindi ko na naitago ang kalasingan ko sa boses ko, ang bawat salita ay parang may kasamang pait at lungkot. Wanwan sighed deeply, at marahan niyang kinuha ang bote sa kamay ko. Hinila n’ya ako papalapit, niyakap ako, and that’s when the tears started to fall uncontrollably. Wala na akong pakialam kung anong itsura ko, gusto ko lang ilabas lahat ng sakit.
"I miss her, Wan. I fucking miss her,' umiiyak kong sabi habang patuloy akong nakakapit kay Wanwan.
"Shh, alam kong magiging okay din ang lahat, you just need to give her some space. Nasaktan siya, Faye," mahinahong saad ni Wanwan, habang hinahaplos ang likod ko. Kumalas ako sa yakap niya, at tinitigan ko siya ng diretso.
"Eh ako? Paano ako? Hindi ba ako nasasaktan ngayon?" Halos pasigaw ko na tanong, habang patuloy sa pagtulo ang mga luha ko. Wanwan just stared at me, obviously torn between wanting to comfort me and needing to be honest.
"I know you’re hurting too, but you need to pull yourself together," sabi niya, trying to sound firm, pero ramdam ko pa rin ang concern sa boses niya. I wiped my face with my hands, trying to get a grip on myself, but the ache in my chest was too overwhelming. Kinuha ko ulit ang bote ng alak, at muli akong uminom.
"You need to show Yoko how much you love her, at hindi mo kayang gawin na lokohin siya," Wanwan urged, her eyes full of concern as she watched me drown my sorrows. Pero parang wala na akong lakas para intindihin ang mga sinasabi niya. I felt so defeated, na parang kahit anong gawin ko, hindi ko na maibabalik ang lahat sa dati.
"What’s the news about the case we filed?" I asked, trying to distract myself from the pain.
"She’s already in jail. Turns out, she has a girlfriend," sagot ni Wanwan, at tumango-tango naman ako, the information barely registering in my hazy mind. I should’ve felt relieved, pero parang walang epekto sa akin ang balita. Ang iniisip ko lang ay si Yoko, kung kung ano ang ginagawa n'ya, and if she's still with that Lux.
Nagsimula nanamang tumulo ang mga luha ko. Our love story hadn’t even begun properly, yet we were already facing this kind of turmoil. How could things have gone so wrong? It felt so unfair.
I grabbed my phone, my hands shaking as I checked my notifications, hoping to see something—anything—from Yoko. But there was nothing. No messages, no missed calls. It felt like another stab to my already shattered heart. Pinaulit-ulit ko ang pagcheck ng phone ko, umaasa na baka sakaling nagkamali lang ako ng tingin, but still, there was nothing.
Then, out of nowhere, a notification from Lux appeared on my screen. She had a new post. My hand moved on its own, clicking on it before I could even think. And what I saw made my heart shatter into a million pieces all over again.
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It was a stolen shot of Yoko, painting, looking peaceful and content. Magkasama pa rin sila. The sight of Yoko, looking so peaceful, habang kasama n'ya si Lux, made me feel like I was losing her all over again. The tears fell harder, my vision blurring as the reality of the situation hit me like a freight train. I felt this overwhelming sense of helplessness.
"Ano ’yan?" Wanwan asked, and she was just as shocked as I was when she saw Lux's post.
" Are they’re back together? Bakit? Paano? Akala ko ba hindi n'ya mahal si Lux? After what Lux did?" sunod-sunod na tanong ni Wanwan, halatang gulat na gulat sa nakita niya. Umiling ako, "Hindi ko rin alam," sagot ko habang pinapatay ang phone ko. Ayoko na ulit makita iyon, ayoko na ulit maramdaman ang sakit na dulot ng pinost ni Lux. The pain is too much, and seeing her with Lux makes it more unbearable.
I felt Wanwan’s arms around me again, trying to offer comfort, but nothing could soothe the ache in my heart. Umiiyak ako sa balikat niya, walang pakialam kahit nasa bar pa kami. "I want her back in my life, Wan. Hindi ko na kayang malayo pa sa kanya," I cried, the despair in my voice echoing in the bar. Wanwan tightened her hold on me, trying to be the anchor I desperately needed.
The thought of losing Yoko to Lux was tearing me apart. I couldn’t imagine my life without her, and the fear of never getting her back was suffocating. Every second away from Yoko felt like an eternity, and now, with Lux back in the picture, I felt more desperate than ever. Gusto ko nang bumigay, gusto ko nang sumuko, pero alam ko, I can’t. I couldn’t let Lux win. I wouldn’t let her take Yoko away from me.
But the fear... the fear was gnawing at me. What if Yoko chooses Lux? What if, after everything, I’m still the one left behind? The thought alone was enough to make me break down all over again. Wala na akong nagawa kundi humagulgol habang yakap-yakap ako ni Wanwan, at doon ko na-realize na I was truly scared. Scared of losing the one person I loved more than anything.
I closed my eyes, wishing for the pain to stop, wishing for Yoko to come back to me.
Habang pinapanood ko si Yoko na papalayo sa buhay ko, hindi ko maiwasang kabahan at matakot. Hangga't hindi ako kinakausap ni Yoko, Lux might have a chance to steal her from me, at ayokong mangyari ’yon. I don’t know what to do. All I knew was that I needed Yoko back, and I would do anything to make that happen. Kahit ano pa. The road ahead was long and uncertain, and I was terrified of what lay ahead. But one thing was clear—I wasn’t going to give up on Yoko. Not now, not ever.
