As I sit on the bench, waiting for Carlie to bring me my books, my mind is consumed by thoughts of Justin.
Today is the day I've decided to tell him the truth—something I've been mulling over ever since Carlie gave me advice in the canteen yesterday.
The thought of this impending conversation has been eating away at me, and no matter how much I try to rationalize it, the anxiety only seems to grow stronger.
I know I need to be honest with Justin, but the idea of hurting him—or worse, complicating our relationship beyond repair—makes my stomach twist. I've spent so much time thinking about how to explain my feelings without causing too much pain, but now that the moment is here, I can't help but feel an overwhelming sense of dread.
As I see Carlie running toward me, holding a pile of books, I force myself to focus on something else, even if just for a moment.
"I didn't know which one was your book, so I brought all of them," Carlie says, handing me the stack with a casual shrug.
"Why would you bring all of them?" I ask, irritation seeping into my voice. I try to keep my tone light, but my nerves are too frayed to fully hide my frustration.
"You didn't give me any details," Carlie replies nonchalantly as he drops onto the bench beside me. "So, have you thought about it?" he asks, his eyes still glued to his phone.
I roll my eyes, knowing exactly what he's referring to. "Yeah, I'll do it today," I mumble, stuffing the books into my bag. "You know you'll have to put these back in my locker later," I add, trying to distract myself with our usual banter.
Carlie finally looks up from his phone, feigning shock. "What? We only agreed that the loser has to take the book, not put it back."
"And we agreed you'd take a book, one book, not all of them," I shoot back, smirking at his exaggerated expression of annoyance.
Carlie groans dramatically, but then his face softens into a small smile. "Fine, I'll put them back for you," he concedes.
I try to laugh, but it comes out more like a shaky exhale. The weight of what I'm about to do presses down on me again, and I can feel my resolve wavering. But I know I have to go through with it. I have to.
As we walk to class together, my thoughts are a jumble of nerves and uncertainty. The classroom is already bustling with students when we arrive, and I settle into my seat, trying to shake off the uneasy feeling that has taken root in my chest. Carlie sits beside me, completely oblivious to the storm brewing in my mind.
The teacher begins the lesson, but I can barely focus on the words being spoken. My eyes wander around the room, and after a while, they land on Justin. He's sitting a few rows ahead of me, engrossed in a conversation with a group of friends.
And then I see her.
There's a girl standing close to him, her body angled towards him in a way that feels almost too familiar. She's smiling up at him, her eyes sparkling with what can only be described as playful flirtation. Justin, for his part, seems completely at ease. He's laughing—really laughing, with a carefree expression that I've rarely seen when he's around me.
The sight of them together sends a jolt through my heart, and I can't help but feel a pang of confusion mixed with something else—something I don't want to admit to myself. I'm not sure what bothers me more: the way she's so effortlessly engaging him, or the fact that he seems so comfortable and happy with her.
I've spent so much time overthinking my feelings for Justin, wondering if I should distance myself to avoid leading him on.
But now, watching him with this girl, I feel like I'm the one who's been led astray. Why does he seem so relaxed with her, laughing and joking like it's the most natural thing in the world, but when he's with me, everything feels so...complicated?
