Escapism.

13

„Next time a higher jump Alora"
I jump as high as I can landing on my hands instead of my feet.
„Stand up"

I stand up slowly in pain.
„You look tired" Zenovia points out.
„Iam not"
„You are, drink some water and sit down. Call Karol inside" I nod slowly leaving the room to catch a water break.

Now I'm so tired that I can't escape into my world anymore ?

Ballet drained me. But after this one week...and me not having the ability to work properly makes Ballet the only thing that helps me escape from all that.

Is this a prank or something?

Looking for the cameras in the Bildung, i hear a deep voice.
„I'll pick you up in like two hours. We can see what we will do then" i turn my head to the right to see Jayden and Karol kissing like ten meters away from me. I turn my head straight again drinking my water and just waiting for the moment to choke from it. What did I do to deserve this kind of punishment ?

„Are you taking a break or are you trying to get sober out here ?" Karol walks up to me, i walk away in the direction of the toilet, which means i have to get past Jayden.

Why can't ballet be the only thing draining me ?

Why can't my mind be on only ballet?

I had such a breakthrough and this is not what I need.

Karol's words never got to me. Never. I always laughed or said something back. But now when she says something I don't hear it from only her. I hear it banging into ear from two.

Outside the building I feel someone coming into my direction. Sitting on the steps. I hear footsteps. They get louder and louder. And hearing that, makes me aware of who is behind me.

„Alora?"
„What do you want ?" i look up with complete disgust on my face.

„I wanted to apologize"
„For ?"
„For the sentence i pulled four days ago"
„I don't need your apology"
„Yes you do, I know you. And I know how much it drained you six years ago, when I dumbed you and didn't apologize for that"

„But I'm not a kid anymore" I Stand up and turn around.
„I don't need your apology. You're just a mean person. You apologize with knowing, you're not sorry, you're never sorry"

„Okay then I take it back"
I sit back down and scroll to my phone. He is still standing behind me.

It's quiet.

„You need something ?" breaking the silence between us.
„No you ?"

„Nope. Don't you gotta go back inside to your little girlfriend?"
„She can wait" I stand up walking away.

„Can I take you out on coffee ? I mean it's very cold and Karol's training lasts for hours"

It's winter right now.

Iam in my training outfit and he is in a Coat.

-

„so, you dance ballet since how long ?" sitting on the table infront of him I drink my hot chocolate in peace.

I don't know why he invited me to drink coffee when he doesn't even like it. And he knows we both gon get a hot chocolate.

„Since forever"

„I thought you always played basketball"

„In Highschool"

„you don't miss it ?"

„Why would I?"

„I don't know, maybe because you looked way more healthier than now"

I take a sip out of my cacao. And Avoid any eye contact.
I don't even know why I'm sitting here. I feel nothing for him.

„why am I here again ?"
„Because I want you to see that i'm really not holding on to the past and i wanna be nice and apologize to you"
„After six years ?"

I look him deep into his eyes.

JAYDEN

She looks deep into my eyes to find a lie in there. But there is no lie. I still love her and i thought i moved on but i didnt.
I thought I don't need her presence nor her support and love. But I did.

Karol is a very loving girlfriend. But I can't find Alora in her. I could only find Alora trough Karol.
And that's what keeps me up at night. Every night. I can't watch transformers movies anymore knowing Alora liked them as much as I do. I had a tuff time with my fav sport. Because I used to teach sixteen old Alora how to trow a ball and how to catch it.

I can't kiss Karol in peace knowing I never kissed Alora. And made it seem like I only want her body. I could go inteem with her. But not kiss her. I could ask for stuff but not give her even ten Prozent of it.

I break the eye contact and smile a little bit.

„Alora...I'm really sorry"