Escapism.

12

At work, I couldn't concentrate on my stuff, in Microbiology it's not funny not being concentrated. You need to be careful with not mixing stuff together that don't belong together.
„You okay?" Kelani asks me.
„Yea I'm okay" i smile slightly looking at her.

Kelani is my friend since high school.
We studied microbiology together at college.
And we got our job at the same place.
She is the only friend my age, we only have a two day age difference wich makes us seem like twins.
„Kelani, I think i will go earlier today..."
„I think you need that, you look tired" i yawned a bit with a small smile.
„Yea...i am i haven't slept since yesterday"

„oh no, girl you know that's not good for you. Don't you take your medication's ?"
„nope" I type my Observation of the reaction in the server. I don't like these medications. And I don't think they like me or my body either. I get very bad reactions from them wich causes me to just leave them alone. Only if I want to be gone from the earth and try to attend.

Happened many times. No reaction.

„Lora go home now, please"
„No i need to write this down"
„No LORA go home, you don't even know what you're typing, you mixed some random things together don't you notice?"
„How am I doing that ?"
„You're mixing water with salt ?, for what ?"

„Uh I-"
„stand up and go home. You're way to tired to be sitting here. Get some sleep and come tomorrow"
Kelani looks concerned, I look at her so she changes her mind on me leaving. But she is dead serious.
„Don't look at me like that. Go home" she says.
Standing up annoyed, she removes my smock and my labor glasses.

„you need an Uber ?"
„Nope, bye"
„Bye. Text me when you are home, okay?"
„Yea" as I leave the building, I realize how this got to me. And with „this" I mean everything.

Questions are starting to build up again.
Why he found me like that. And how I could come like that. And why he always wants to talk to me all of a sudden after not texting me for six years. Nor talking to me when he saw me in church in Germany.
He was a horrible boyfriend. And I always hated the fact that he told me he will change, even tho I know he won't change for me. He will just change for someone else and treat them better.

I was his life lesson.

I was the one he done it with and regretted it afterwards. And to not fall into that again. He left, with weird reasons, that made me question my values and my insecurities.

Sitting in my car. I try not to cry. I mean I healed from it. But it's not gone from my head. I'm still hurt. And I'm really really about to explode. And I've only seen him three times. Seeing him makes me sick. Seeing him with Karol makes me sick. Mostly because he is acting like nothing happened.

I start the car and drive home to relax a little bit.
I have ballet training at seven p.m. wich means I only have five hours left to sleep and eat.
Maybe I can push in the food on the way to training. Driving home, it's just quiet in the car. I don't feel like music. And I don't feel like radio. Just pure quietness...

You could hear the sound of the car like crazy. Even tho it is an electric car. Thats better than music, I tell you.

-

At home I fell asleep on the couch instantly.