US - Harry Styles

Chapter 3

Harry.

I probably shouldn't of said it. But i did, and i can't take it back. The truth is i do miss her, very much, but i still believe that I can't afford to have a relationship right now, I cant give her all of me when all of me is given to my fan's. How am i supposed to make her feel special. 

Me telling Tilda i miss her couldn't of come at a worst time. I just got into a relationship with Olivia. I know that make's me sound like a hypocrite but Tilda deserves more than what i can give her, Olivia on the other hand, I like her but i don't think she needs me as much as Tilda and i needed each other. Why couldn't Tilda have texted me a month ago, when the album actually dropped, when i actually wanted her to reach out. I understand she is hurt but if she hadn't waited so long she wouldn't be as hurt as she is going to be when i'v told her i miss her and then tomorrow she is going to see photo's of Olivia and I together. 

"Who was that?" Olivia walked into the room with a small smile after i had said goodbye to Tilda on the phone, she wasn't being nosey, she was just genuinely asking. 

"Just an old friend calling to congratulate me on the album" i smiled back at her, i grabbed her hand as she walked past the side of the couch i was on and pulled her down on my lap, she kissed my cheek. 

"That's nice, you deserve all of the congratulations" she leant forward and kissed my lip's "It really is an amazing album" she mumbled against my lip's. i smiled back at her, and she rested her head on my chest. 

I hadn't thought about it at all until after this call, but kissing Olivia just then only reminded me that i missed kissing Tilda. i sighed and rolled my head back to close my eye's, and the memory of the last day i saw her, flashed into my head. The day i wish i had done thing's differently. 

--

"what do you mean Harry?" Tilda rolled her eye's and chuckled to herself. Harry had just told her he needed some space for a few week's which to Tilda was the funniest joke ever. Tilda walked up to harry to grab his hand's, she did so, so nonchalantly as if thing's were completely normal right now. Harry pulled his hand's away and turned around and ran his finger's through his hair clearly stressed out. Tilda repeated herself. 

"what do you mean harry?" but this time it had more worry behind it, as if she had just realised that really it wasn't a joke and he could quite actually be wanting some space. Harry couldn't even look at her, he knew that he was he was breaking her heart already. as when they first started dating they would laugh about the idea of couple's having "breaks" and that really it's just a breakup. 

"I cant give you what you need, what you want.." harry whispered still facing away from Tilda. Harry had a tear run down his face, he didn't want this but if he didn't end the 3 year long relationship with Tilda, he was only being selfish. Thing's were so good right now, but he knew he would be going on tour, she would have work and they would just lose each other. In harry's mind he was saving Tilda from the long heartache and instead just giving her a quick one. He thought he was doing the right thing. 

He felt Tilda walk up behind him and just hug him. he didn't stop it, he needed it and he knew it would be their last. Tilda knew this too, she didn't want to fight, she didn't want to scream or cry in front of him, if this is what he wanted, he could have it. Tilda didn't want to let go, but she did. She picked up her bag and walked straight out the door. 

Tilda didn't want to stay to hear harry tell her he didn't love her anymore. she could just tell from the look on his face. 

But, really that wasn't true at all. Tilda didn't know that if she actually had fought he would of changed his mind, he wanted her to say that it would all be okay and that it would work out but she didn't she just let it all happen, so it was then clear to harry that she wanted this anyway. 

--

I woke up still on the couch and realised Olivia was gone. I picked up my phone from the table. a text from Olivia and a text from Tilda. 

O: just went to the grocery store, be back soon x

T: coffee tomorrow?

seeing both of the text's on my screen caused an anxiety ball in my stomach. I couldn't just say no to Tilda but i can't be seen with her, but i really need to see her. 

H to T: I'll pop by tomorrow w some coffees.