US - Harry Styles

chapter 13

Tilda. 

Here we go. I am currently still sitting in my car outside Harry's LA house. I flip down my sun visor and look into the little mirror and fix my lipgloss. I am not quite sure why i care so much about how i look, harry has already seen me at my worst, multiple time's. hundred's of times even. But not only that, I shouldn't be worrying about what another man think's of me when i have a boyfriend. 

I do feel bad that i am here behind Austin's back. He is currently in Arizona filming for his movie. he will be gone for a few month's, which is okay because i will fly out a few time's to see him. I quickly look down at my phone to see a text from Austin letting me know he won't be on his phone until tonight. I let go of a breath that i didn't know i was holding. It somewhat make's me feel better that he wont be texting me while i am in the same vacinty as Harry. I am not quite sure why i feel so guilty when i havent actually done anything wrong yet, I wonder if it is because my brain know's i still have feeling's for harry and i shouldn't be entertaining it. 

I am now at his front door. I close my eye's and take a deep breath. fix my hair and my outfit quickly. then i do it, i knock on the door. 

--

"Do you want a coffee or anything?" Harry mumble's, he is clearly nervous. Which is comforting as i feel the same way. I shook my head no and walked towards the living room. The living room that used to be our's together. I havent seen it since the night i left. My eye's scan the whole entire room. I feel harry's presence walk up beside me. 

"Was a bit awkward having Olivia on the couch" he awkwardly laughed then nudged my shoulder, which caused me to let out a small laugh then look down at my shoe's. One of harry and I's favourite spots to do it was the couch, it felt naughty, as if someone could catch you. I follow harry down the little stair's into the living room and sit on his arm chair. i cross my leg's and rub my hand's on my thighs, they are sweating like crazy. 

"So... how are you handling the break up?" i break the silence, he wasn't going to say anything first. He know's i have the upper hand in this interaction as he is the one who hurt me. He dosent want to say the wrong thing and me get up and leave, i can tell. i can read it all over his face. 

he shuffled in his seat, he didn't want me to come here and talk about her. "weirdly, totally fine" he shrugged his shoulder's and i nod my head. he stares into my eye's not breaking eye contact, i can tell he want's to come closer and every being in me want's him too. He get's up and walk's towards me, he reaches his hand out to me which i grab straight away, which shocks me. he lead's me back to the couch and gestures for me to sit, which i do. he sit's down next to me but dosent let go of my hand. I look down, his rings the cover his hand's are all the same, even the one i got him for our first christmas together. 

"Is this okay?" he whisper's. I just nod my head and a small smile grow's on his face which causes me to blush. 

"So i can tell you don't want to talk about her" i say, he chuckles a little. "So what did you want to talk about?" i ask innocently. 

"Us" he states. he didn't even fluster to say it, it was strong and planned. i sighed and removed my hand from his, i rubbed my temple's. I saw this coming but nothing could of prepared me for it. 

"I'm still with Austin, H" i reply with, it felt like the only thing i could say, and part of me didn't even want to tell him i was with Austin, part of me wanted to keep that a secret from him. 

"I am very well aware" he chuckles, which causes me to pick my head up straight away, he knew and still invited me here? and as if he could read my mind. he started talking again. "I invited you here because I am over pretending like we arn't meant to be together. It has alway's been me and you" 

I stand up and start pacing around the room. he ask's to me say something but what am i supposed to say to that. he left me, then left me again! and just expect's me to come crawling back, and the most awful thing is, that i really want too. 

"Harry you can't do this, not now" he shook my head, he got up off the couch and walked over to me and grabbed my shoulder's to stop me from pacing. 

"Why?, tell me right now why me and you cant be together again. we both know it's the right thing to do" he argue's back. his eyebrow's furrow in confusion as if he is gobsmacked that i am not crawling back into his arm's right now. 

"I dont know, maybe because i have a boyfriend!" i yell at him, i have never raised my voice at him, ever. we have never been that type of couple to really yell at each other which i alway's appreciated because i was never reminded about my parent's relationship. 

Then all of a sudden, harry grab's my face and kisses me. It's strong and passionate and i kiss back. I don't stop it. and the worst part is, When i start to think about Austin i push him away and lean more into the kiss. 

--

I feel awful, but also great. Oh god what the fuck did i just do. 

"Till's" Harry breathed as he rolled off the top of me. i looked over to him as we both lay naked next to each other in his bed that we used to share together.  "What are you thinking?"

"I am thinking i just cheated on my boyfriend and how awful i feel" harry's smile fade's and he start's fiddling with his finger's "but i am also thinking about how much i missed that" harry grab's my arm and pull's me toward's him. 

"Do you have to go home tonight?" he ask's as he run's his finger along the side of my stomach. I shook my head no. 

"Stay?" he whisper's in my ear then kisses right underneath it. 

"What am i going to do Harry?" i ask with a small whimper, before i was pushing Austin's face out of my head but now he is all i can think about. "I want to be with you but i can't leave Austin right now" I don't want to break up with him over text, he is in Arizona and deserves more from me then just a simple text, it's the least i can do considering. 

he place's his hand on top of my head and run's his finger's through my hair. 

"Until you figure it out, we just wont tell him" he says quietly as if the whole word is in the room with us listening. 

"What do you mean?" i ask looking up into his gorgeous green eye's. 

"You know exactly what i mean Till's" he smirked, and the use of my nickname coming out of his mouth only made me want to do what he was offering more. He leant down and kissed me again then quickly rolled back on top of me. 

"I love you Matilda" he say's. i never thought i would ever hear those words coming out of his mouth again. 

"I love you too" i whisper back as i place my hand on to the back of his neck and pull his face back down to kiss me.