Just for Tonight

9.

They slowly found their own pace and managed to spend more time together, mostly in the late evenings. They loved walking side by side in every city they passed. Ville dared take her by the hand more and more. Every time their fingers entwinded and every time he shivered. Her hand in his seemed to be the most natural thing in the world. Each time he felt more and more at peace.

" I told you my sad story with Ian", she said weakly as they walked beside a huge cathedral in London. She cleared her throat. " So it's your turn to tell me something about yourself. A small or a large part of your life."

Ville considered her question before answering.

" That's fair" he smiled. "So, you know what happened with my ex girlfriend".

"Jonna", she winced. " I don't like her".

" Well, she hurt me. She hit me. She screamed in my ear so hard that I was almost deaf."

" I read some articles about her. I will never understand how someone could do that to you, beautiful." she said, looking at him with sad eyes.

Ville squeezed her hand tight.

"What people don't know is how I felt afterwards. I saw and heard people and even friends talking behind my back. I mean, they had fun. Ville Valo is a beaten man. That was so funny and ridiculous. I lost my self-esteem. Music and beer were my escape from reality. I locked myself up at home and wrote a lot of songs but none of them was a good one because I didn't have any self-confidence anymore. I was afraid that people would laught at me even in my music. That would be the end of me. My biggest fear. I was about to give up. It would have been better to stop writing songs than to write bad ones. But Migé was there. We talked a lot about the new songs and with the band and Seppo, we found out that some songs were really great and... Here we are two years later" he smiled.

"I feel sorry for you, Ville. You didn't deserve someone who was so mean to you. Promise me that you will never let anyone else make you doubt who you are."

" For that reason, I am a single man and music is my lover", he said with a crocked smile.

" You don't want to be hurt anymore" she stated.

"Kind of. I draw my creativity and the lyrics from sadness and loneliness. That's a part of me. Finally from the gloom comes the light" he chuckled.

"Deep Shadows and Brilliant Highlights" she quoted.

" And finally, isn'it life ?" he whispered.

" I agree, even if sometimes... That's unfair."

" Sometimes it's dramatically unfair ". He gave her a short hug. He knew that she meant Ian's tragic death.

"And you, where is your light in the dark ?" he asked.

"Nowhere. I live one day at a time. Every night I have to fight to find a reason to wake up and live another day. But I have to confess that it's becoming easier since I love my job with HIM" she smiled. "We are similar, we live to work and that's work which keep us in one piece."

" Was it different when you were with... Ian ?"

She took a moment before replying.

"Well, I have changed since Ian died. Quite a lot. I am not the same woman anymore. I am more... Melancholic ? We used to laught, you know, like two silly lovers who think they have all the time in the world before taking life seriously, much later. Everything was happiness and joy and beautiful and... Supposed to last forever. We had a really strong connection, we could understand each other without talking. And now... My heart is broken, I lost, at the same time, Ian and the woman I was with him. That part of me also died five years ago. Yeah that's it, I lost myself somewhere . I don't know how to fix it or if I even want to fix anything. I act like a widow. A forever widow. " she sadly replied.

He looked at her. So small. So hopeless. How could he bring a new light into her world of suffering ? Tears fell from her eyes to her lips. He took her in his arms and held her for a long time. Finally, she hugged him back and slowly squeezed him.

They locked eyes without a word.

" Thank you, beautiful" she whispered.

Later that night, cuddling a sleepy Chloe, his mind replayed their conversation, lingering on the words he had chosen. Was it clumsy to tell her that he was married to his music ? He was used to and it was the truth. And it was also true to say that his dry heart was his muse. But it hadn't always been so. Relationships, feelings and love had been his first source of inspiration. Some girlfriends had been his muse. What if...he opened his heart wide again ? He knew he was falling in love. How could it not be ? She was so... Honest. Without any filters from her mind to her mouth. Natural. Touching and heartbreaking.

How could he compete with a memory? With a love forever frozen in time? Ian was etched into her heart in a way that seemed unbreakable. Ville felt his own insecurities surface, haunted by the feeling that he was standing in the shadow of a man who, in Chloe's eyes, could never be replaced.

He looked at her in the dark, her face peaceful in sleep.

"My little honey, will you give me a chance ?" he silently asked.