Just for Tonight

40.

"Hello, pretty Chloe". Ville greeted her with a charming smile.

Migé looked from one to the other, disarmed. Chloe waved to them and took a seat next to Linde at the other end of the table.

"Ville, are you taking a break or not?", Migé asked.

"Yes we are ... I'm not doing anything wrong here. But look at the way her hair's done. The ponytail suits her so well," Ville declared, looking in Chloe's direction.

"Dude, a break is a break. Give her more room."

Ville pretended not to hear and continued to look in her direction. "Linde is too close to her, sticking to her all the time." Ville sighed.

"Stop it and give her the space she asked for", Migé replied firmly.

"Migé, I want her back. Before anyone else interferes," he replied, looking back in the direction of Linde and Chloe.

"You should clear your head, Ville. You sound like a kid who has broken his toy and doesn't know how to fix it. You're throwing a tantrum, nothing more, nothing less." Migé got up and left Ville. But deep down, he had a bad feeling about this story. His friend wasn't reacting in the right way and didn't even realize it.

Ville thought that after ten days, during which he had missed her like crazy, he had been reasonable enough to come and talk to her. But he couldn't think of any way to start a dialogue. He needed to know what she was thinking, what she was feeling, whether she was getting better.

That night, he crawled into her bunk.

"Ville?", she asked, surprised.

"Hon... Chloe ... I miss you so much," he murmured, tears in his eyes.

"Oh Ville... please don't cry. It's just a break", she tried to reassure him.

He caressed her cheek. "Feeling a little better? Where are you now?" he asked, pointing successively to her head and her heart.

"It's too soon, Ville. I don't know ... not yet ... I can't answer you," she said, embarrassed.

He took her in his arms and lay down beside her. "Can I just stay here tonight?" he begged.

"You can," she sighed.

She sensed his desperation. The purpose she had in mind was certainly not to hurt him, nor to repay him. She just needed to forget.

"Do you still love me, Chlo?" he asked her.

"I do," she whispered. And it was true.

When she got back to the bus from rehearsal the next afternoon, she found a letter on her bunk, Ville's handwriting on it. Concerned, she read the letter.

Marry me
Entwined your life to mine
Nothing can tear us apart
You and me
So alike but different
Shadow and light
Let your hand in mine

And if you bleed
I'll stop your blood
And if you are hurt
I'll heal you
But if you die
I'll be dead too.

She reread the letter several times, many emotions emerging at the same time. She shook from head to toe and had to sit on the floor. At least she was alone on the bus, alone with her conflicting thoughts and feelings. Love, sadness and fear mixed in her head.

She loved him. Deep down, she loved him. But he wasn't listening to her. His letter was touching and heartbreaking at the same time. She read it again. She could see him behind the words. He was insecure because she had asked him for a break.

She was scared. Hurting him was not an option. She wiped away the tears that kept rolling down her cheeks.

Her little inner voice was telling her that sometimes, cutting a relationship off was a solution. Painful at the time, but you get over it. He would heal. Sometimes, loving someone that much means agreeing to step aside. To disappear. Pure and simple. He would heal. She didn't want him to suffer, and the decision to stay on the tour over the break was a very bad idea.

She took her bag and stuffed her things into it. She looked at the bus, his bunk. She saw some sheets of paper and a pen. She couldn't leave him without writing one last time. He deserved an explanation.

It's too soon, Ville. I asked you for time. I still have nightmares. I love you and I always will, but I can't meet your needs. I'm so sorry about that. C.

Heartbroken, she went away.

‐-----

"Where is she?", Ville yelled.

"Calm down, kiddo", Seppo replied, patting him on the shoulder.

"I want someone to answer me", Ville continued to shout. "Who the hell here knows where she is?"

"Nobody knows, bro," Migé said softly. "She hasn't told anyone".

"I can't believe it, Migé". Ville collapsed. "I ask her to marry me and she runs away. I just can't believe it! We love each other!"

Mige took him in his arms. The guys remained silent. Seeing Ville break down like that was heartbreaking. He sobbed.

"Ville, that was too fast. I think she got scared," Mige tried to explain, rationalising things calmly.

"Call her, Migé. She'll answer you. I want to know where she is. Where my soul mate is."

With tears in his eyes, Migé got off the bus and called Chloe. After a few rings, he got, unsurprisingly, her voicemail.

"Chloe, call him or call me. Please."

She never answered.

‐-----

A few months later.

He was finally back in Helsinki. God knew how he had held up to finish the tour. The guys had held him at arm's length, no doubt. But she had never left his mind. He didn't blame her. He had come to understand her, and she had to know.

He pulled his beanie over his head and hurried down the street. A few more metres and he would be in front of her door. She would open it and they would talk. He took a deep breath as he reached her front door. There was no light in the living room, maybe she had gone out?

He tried to look through the window. He saw a small sign. "For rent".

She was definitely gone from his life.