Just for Tonight

29.

One month without any news from him. She was back to her usual routine: work above all, and her appointment with her grief. Nothing had changed, and at the same time, everything had changed. He had come to see her twice, and the situation was worse. Knowing that he was now consciously ignoring her made her suffer more than usual. Seeing him again, taking his hand in hers, hearing his deep voice again had rekindled her suffering.

That night, she contemplated her phone. Still no news. She would never hear from him again, she knew. With the help of the wine she had drunk with dinner, she decided to send him one last message. Then she would move on.

"One last time, I really loved you and I still do. I hope you'll find your soul mate, whoever she may be. Forever yours. Chloe."

She switched off her phone and drank a glass of wine. The bottle was now empty. She lay back on the couch, grabbed her pillow and called out his name one last time. After this, she would never do it again. Her decision made her cry even more. She sobbed and finally fell asleep, drunk, sad and desperate.

She awoke with a jolt. Someone was banging on her door.

"Chloe, open the damn door! I'll break it down!"

Half asleep, she opened the door and there he was, gasping for breath, his face flushed and his eyes wild with worry.

"Thank God you're here!", Ville cried, relieved.

He looked at her. Her eyes were red and swollen. He entered her flat, giving her a gentle push. He led her to the couch, where she had obviously been sleeping.

"What was that last message? And why didn't you pick up your phone ?" he asked, worried.

"What message?" she replied. Then she remembered. Her last message to the man in her life.

"That message...". She sighed.

"Did you take anything?", he asked again.

"Wine," she murmured shyly.

"What else? Don't dare lie to me, don't hide anything from me. What did you take, honey?". He watched the coffee table, her wine glass and the empty bottle. There was nothing else.

Chloe understood what he was implying. She put her hands in front of her mouth. "Oh... You thought that.... I wanted to hurt myself, is that it?". She was confused.

"You sent me a goodbye message, Chloe."

"No no... I didn't mean that... No...".

Ville understood in turn. He rolled his eyes. "I see... In fact, you're giving up on us, aren't you?"

She fell on her knees. "What else do you want me to do? One month... Once again, time passes, slips through our fingers. But the pain, Ville, the pain is with me. Unbearable. What else do you want me to do? Hold on to you? My heart is already yours, I can give you nothing more. So if you call it that... That I give up on us... So be it."

He fell on his knees in front of her and took her into his arms.

"I won't say it twice so you'd better listen to me. I love you. From the bottom of my heart. You are the One."

"But ?", she asked, because she knew that a "but" was coming.

He sighed. "But things aren't that easy. You ran away from me... Yes I understand why. I still feel guilty about that".

" You looked at her like you had never looked at me before," she said, bitter.

"I own her a lot. She was there when I went to rehab. I wanted to start something with her eventually, but I was... In very bad shape. I wanted to... get better and heal before anything else. After rehab, it became clear that nothing was ever going to happen between me and her. When I saw her in our room, I felt grateful to her, and a kind of... Pity. She hadn't moved on, she still seemed to think that something was going to happen between us. It was pity, Chloe. Nothing else."

She looked at him, suspicious.

"Don't look at me like that. Finally, since you slept with Perttu, with my friend... I don't know which one of us is supposed to suffer more."

" I didn't sleep with Perttu, Ville !", she exclaimed.

"Don't lie to me, Chloe. Don't you dare lie to me. I know that, when you kiss a man, you lose control. I know it very well, I've been waiting for you for a while...", Ville stated, bitter.

Chloe took his face in her hands and locked eyes with him.

"Ville, you haven't understood. You're the only one I knew I would lose control of myself with a simple kiss. You're the one. It's always been you."

He saw in her eyes that she wasn't lying.

" So... Nothing happened with Perttu ?", he sighed, relieved.

"I couldn't have done this to us. To you and to me. Not while... I still love you", she whispered. "Since I told you I kissed him, did you think...?".

"Yes, of course. That's why I've been distancing myself from you these past few weeks. I didn't know if I could overpast it. And I didn't want to give you and me false hope by seeing you again too soon". He smiled. "I'd like to thank you for... Keeping our story so precious. For being so clear-sighted about the fact that, had you slept with him, it would have... I don't know... Soiled our love, so to speak".

"Ville, what do we do now? What does it all mean?", she asked with tired eyes.

"I don't know yet. We'll keep talking. But right now, can I stay with you tonight ? I want to make sure you're okay.", he asked.

She nodded.

He helped her up and they lay down on the couch. He wrapped his arms around her.

"I love you, honey," he whispered in her ear.

"I love you, Beautiful", she replied.