Just for Tonight

45.

"Don't talk like that. We were both wrong!", Ville exclaimed.

Her gaze seemed blank now.

"It's not that simple, Ville", she whispered.

"It can be." He hesitated. "But do you want it to be? I may have underestimated your relationship with Rafael ...".

She didn't answer.

"I'll go see Emy", he said. "I've always been honest with her."

"What are you going to tell her, Ville?"

"Nothing new. That my heart is elsewhere. And, I hope, so is my life."

"Don't rush anything ... Not for me ... don't regret anything you tell her."

"Chlo ... I'm doing it for me, but also for us. Because I hope there will be an us."

She clenched her fists and bit her lip. "I promised not to interfere in your life and look where you're already at.... If Emy makes you a little happy, brings you something, then please choose her."

"What are you talking about?", he asked, lost.

"I ... I'm not the person you knew anymore. I've changed, because life has changed me. And I don't know if you'll be able to truly love who I've become."

"When I look at you, it's still you though", he tried to make her smile, but she seemed so sad.

He sighed. "You and your self-esteem problem..."

"I haven't been very proud of myself lately", she admitted.

He understood that the problem was deeper than she had told him.

"Damn it, Chlo. What's going on in London?", he asked, worried.

Migé left the bathroom.

Ville gestured for him to wait, while tears streamed down Chloe's cheeks.
Then she looked at them both.

"Migé, you can stay", she said. "You both deserve to know. And above all, you are my friends. Migé, you already know part of the story, but not all of it. I'll start with the state of mind with which I arrived in London. I was angry at myself for running away, I felt lost, and at the same time, I reassured myself that Ville was finally free of me ... and my dramas."

She took a long breath.

"When Rafael became my lover, I soon learned that behind his elegance and eloquence lay someone much darker. We probably had darkness in common, I felt so ... empty, as if I were kissing the void - so to speak. The threats began, as did the unfair treatment. At the same time, he watched over my rise in the world of journalism. I quickly climbed the ladder thanks to him. I started out in the press, then on the radio, where I had my own radio program : Chloe's music chronicle."

She paused for a moment as she tried to get her thoughts in order. "So I had Perttu and Eicca, as well as Jussi and Jyrki on the program."

"When you performed at the Royal Albert Hall in London with Agents, Ville, there was talk of inviting you to my chronicle . But Raf knew exactly who you were for me. I wanted to see you again and I was afraid of it at the same time. We had an argument about it, which turned out badly. He was violent towards me for the first time".

She stopped again and looked at Ville, who couldn't hide his horrified expression.

"Chlo ...". His voice broke. She raised her hand to signal that she would continue.

"And for the first time since I had left you, Ville, I felt something. I felt alive, again, under his blows. I felt like... coming out of anesthesia at that moment. And if it was pain I was supposed to feel, then so be it. As long as it was... something, rather than nothing at all".

Ville wiped away his tears. Migé had an incredulous expression on his face.

"That impression didn't last. But it came back every time he raised his hand to me. And I convinced myself that I... didn't deserve better. Not after having destroyed my relationship with you."

She fell silent.

Ville stood up and paced the living room.

Migé bit his nails. "And every time we phoned each other, you didn't tell me, darling. I would have come ... I would have brought you here, to your home ...".

She put her hand on his. "I know you would. Staying was a choice".

Ville stopped in front of her. There was so much anger in his gaze that, by reflex, she stepped back at the back of the couch. He caught her recoil and sat down beside her.

"Chlo... I don't know what to tell you. All this...it's not you. You're worth so much more than this...when are you going to understand that?", he said in a low voice. "How could you run away from me...who deeply loved you, to go through this? I really loved you !"

"Now I know it, Ville". She smiled at him in such a melancholy way that he wanted to take her in his arms. But he stopped himself. He saw her differently, he perceived her shadow side, without understanding it.

"You're staying in Helsinki. You're not going back to London", he told her firmly.

"I've got to go. I've got to... ".

He took her hands in his. "What's there to keep you there? You're not safe there, with him."

"I have to break up with him..."

"Now I agree with you." He handed her her phone. "Go ahead, call him and tell him it's over."

She hesitated.

"I've got my stuff to pick up too", she answered softly.

"Your stuff? I'll give you a complete wardrobe full of clothes, if it's just that", he said harshly.

Migé agreed.

"I've got... something over there that I absolutely want to have back".

"What is it?", Migé asked.

"The ... the bracelet Ville gave me", she said with difficulty, before bursting into tears. "The only thing I had left of him. The only thing of value I have".

He took her in his arms and held her close. "I'll get you another one. But Chlo, if you still have any feelings for me ... stay here and never set foot in London again. I beg you".

‐------

Hello dear reader,

This chapter was not the easiest to write, and certainly not the easiest to read for those who, from near or far, have been or are confronted with domestic violence. We can talk about verbal, 'common' violence, or real acts of physical violence (neither of which should be accepted though). But above all, I've tried to portray Chloe's acceptance of the situation, and the reasons behind it: guilt, heartbreak and feeling dead inside. Will Ville understand this part of her personality? More in the next episode 😉