Moving On

1

   "Not again" I murmur as the door slams shut behind me. I decide not to look back as I hold on to my bag and take quiet steps towards the street . Now , now , it's not like I had gotten dumped or anything . I was actually on a date and messed things up before we could take any step further .
' What did I do?' ...Oh I did exactly what I'd been doing for the past three years. I talked about my ex . The crime in itself wasn't because i spoke about him but the fact that I still loved him. You could see it in my face and voice everytime I spoke about him . It was like I wasn't even trying to hide it . After my relationship with him, I hadn't been able to get into a stable relationship with any other person. This one I was walking out of makes three of the relationships I'd tried to get into after him.
Why don't I make this more clear ? I had my first boyfriend when i was in my first year of college . It wasn't a smart decision, I feel because it was out of pity I gave him a chance and it wasn't the best two years of my life .Now , after promising myself to focus on studies and not give another man a chance again , I ended up falling for my second and last boyfriend and we dated a solid four years , during and after my college years and they were the best four years of my life ...even when we broke up.
I wasn't psyched of course when we broke up. But I loved him even then . It does sound crazy but the breakup was mutual after all.
It all boils down to us not holding on to each other when we promised we would . In the beginning ,its easy to promise . Along the way is where it got tricky for us . No need to get into details about who broke things off first. I do still love him though. I still love Allen .

**
I got out of the cab after paying the driver and headed into the apartment I shared with my roommate .

"Hey Selen" I say and take a slump on the sofa . She approaches me with a grin.

" Hey, you're back, how did it go ?"

" Can you help get me water ? It's been a long day " I said, avoiding eye contact.

" Ohh, you don't have to tell me what happened .You spoke about him again , didn't you?" Selen asked .

She looked like she was gonna pass out herself as she took a seat next to me.
Her gaze remained on me .
" What is wrong with you, Sky?"

" Well, if they skipped the part about my last serious relationship, maybe ,I wouldn't always be bawling my eyes out , though... today was an exception. I didn't bawl my eyes out but I stupidly told the guy i wasnt quite over Allen which he didn't take lightly". I looked up at Selen with sad eyes.

" I haven't gotten over Allen but I will. See, I'm really trying to" I added

" Well one of these days, one nice guy will get Allen off your mind , that I believe ..but it's been three years though "

" I know.. just no more blind dates for now.

"But"

" I'm serious, Selen" I said when she attempted to protest .

" Fine "She relented.

" Thank you"

Selen sighed and smiled, patting my arm.
" Let me get you some water and whip up some icecream for you"

" I'm not heartbroken " I called after her retreating back.

" Still my treat, darling "