Moving On

66

Morgan texted me this morning. He was on his way here and since it was a weekend I had no place to go. I wasn't expecting him but a conversation was already long coming.
He was at the door soon enough so I opened it for him and he made his way inside . I saw him stare at my salon car parked in the drive way for a while before closing the door behind him. He gave me an impressed nod .
" Nice car "

I laughed
" Thanks"

He stared quietly, his focus on me now
"Hey" he said softly.
I walked closer and then hugged him. I wanted to cry but I held myself .
" I have missed you" I confessed.

" Me too, Sky"

" Why don't you sit ?"
I said after we let go of each other.
I got up to get him a glass of water. We didn't have juice in the house . I couldn't tell Selen to also get some when she was coming back from Brad's. She was still not talking to me. I handed it to him and he took a sip before putting it down. I sat next to him.

" I have something to say" he said.

" I'm listening" I wringed my fingers and he got closer and held my hands.

" The problem I had with my van was because of someone."

" Obviously " I chuckled .

" I also never was honest with you. About my past . I have an ex girlfriend called Prix. And she works at a certain facility and at the same time runs that food truck . Thought she was sabotaging me because it was too much of a coincidence she was running the business the same place I was. Anyways , its not really the problem. The problem is we've hung out . We haven't made out or anything though but the honest truth is at a point , I thought of going back . She was my college girlfriend . I know I sound crazy- -"

" I cheated on you" I blurted out

" Huh?" Morgan smiled. He thought I was joking .

" Really . I'm not joking. I made out with Allen on the work trip and I'm sorry .I understand if you would like to break up with me"

I knew i was hurting Morgan with the truth but I didn't have much to lose anyways . Everyone was leaving. It's fine if he left too.
Morgan heaved in a breath and stared away .Any moment from now. He should be walking away. He turned to look at me.
" Do you love him ?"

I was surprised he asked me that. I expected him to explode in my face . It would be a normal reaction to see him angry but he was surprisingly not throwing a fit.
" I don't know, Morgan" I lied

" Do you love me ?"

" I should think so.."I said hesitantly.

" Then we're good " he interjected holding my hands. " You just need to tell him you want nothing to do with him. I can go with you. We talk things out so he gets the hint it was a mistake, you've accepted it and want nothing to do with him"
He looked at me expectantly and I didn't know how to respond. I didn't know how the conversation took this turn but it was and Morgan was going so fast, he was going to take me with him.
" I don't love you" I quickly said
I hated how his eyes looked . Pain , hurt and confusion remained .

" You don't love me?" He asked.

" If I loved you ,I wouldn't have cheated on you" I said.

" We all make mistakes " he persisted.

" Morgan..it's not easy"

" What isn't. It's me we're talking about" he chuckled .

" I know" I sighed and looked away and Morgan left my hands .

" So you love Allen"

I turned to him.
" That is not what I said ".

" That isn't what you're letting on. Sky, you have a chance to continue what we have but you insist on letting everything go... it's a coping mechanism. You would rather just be with Allen then but since you can't hurt me, you're letting both of us go "

" I don't think that's what's happening here".

" Well that's what it looks like."

I knew what he was saying but i couldn't agree with him . I only stared down at my feet.

" So is this it?" He asked after a moment of quiet.

" I guess. If I really loved you, Morgan ..it would have been easier for me to respond when you said it back at the funeral. It would have been easier to love you along the way . I would have never wanted a day to go by without spending it with you. It could be the relationship was fresh. It could be i am rusty in dating now. It could be we just needed time but I what I do know is if I loved you, Morgan, it shouldn't have been so difficult "

He nodded and covered his mouth with his palms . I felt so bad and swallowed a lump.
" Let's walk to my van. I'll try and visit some other time" he managed to say

I rubbed my thighs and nodded and walked with him out of the apartment. He smiled at me when we got to his van.
He gave me a very long hug and I closed my eyes , taking in his familiar scent before he finally let go .
" Do you like her ?" I asked before Morgan opened the door to his van.

" Prix ?" He asked.

" Yeah"

He chuckled and turned to open the door to his van
" I don't know"

*** ***
I opened the door for Selen and tried to help her with her bags but she declined .
" How long are you going to stay mad?"

" As long as it takes , Sky"
I followed her to the kitchen.

" Selennn"
She ignored me and started unpacking some groceries .

" I spoke to Morgan today"
She smiled and turned to me .

" And ?"

" We're good now "

" Oooh I'm going to be a bridesmaid" Selen said dancing to an invisible beat.

" Good friends"

" Friends ?" She frowned, stopping midway.

" Yes ." I replied and she sighed.

" Because of Allen?" She asked.

" Because of Allen" I nodded.

" He is holding you back, can't you see? If he loved you, he would let you go"
I rolled my eyes at that phrase . Why did people say that . If he loved you, he would let you go?

" He has already let me go"

" So you're single ...again?"

" Yes and I told Morgan the truth . He strangely still wanted to continue the relationship . At that point , I realized how much of him I didn't deserve . And he told me about Prix .Some ex of his. She was part of the reason his attention at a point was drawn away. It broke me but do I have to be upset when i cheated ?"
Selen unpacked the last of her grocery item and scratched her neck .

" What name did you mention again?".

" Prix"

" I think I know her"

" What?" I raised a brow.

" Before you get angry, relax. She appeared at the pawn shop . Wanted to sell off a locket and we kinda hit it from there. I liked her vibe so we got to know each other a little bit more and we've been hanging out."

" Just like that ?"I asked , getting jealous.

" She's actually cool" Selen responded and I narrowed my eyes at her.

" Please don't be angry. Besides, that's a nice car you have outside there . I forgot to compliment it "

" Yeah, change the subject " i snapped and we both laughed .

Selen grabbed some bread to slice and she nudged me slightly with her elbow.
" Yeah?" I said.

" Allen isn't a bad idea "

I smiled and rubbed my neck .
" I know. It's just not up to me anymore . It's up to him now. He's done with me and I can't possibly ask him to take me back"