This is a former canceled vent book, disclaimer: first 3 chapters are my angsty self thoughts.
Original story description: things that I write at 3 am because I have no life
(skip till the white line if you don't care about the background)
so uhh- i'm writing this because i'm starting to forget parts of what happened, so i'm just gonna write down what I can still remember, which isn't much.
so, a few days ago, thursday to be exact. I skipped half the camp i went to because I started to feel overwhelmed and depressed, really just wanted to go and off myself.
So I was really happy when my mom told me we were going to grandmas today, and that I need to pack. I went home and pretty much immediately got a text from my brother, asking if I could by any chance bring his charger to him (he was at a friend's place),
he offered me pizza and food in general, so I couldn't say no, plus I just wanted to be away from home for a while, mom was screaming because we couldn't go today, because my brother said no.
Once I arrived with his charger, I pretty much just hung out with them, talked, played roblox and just had fun overall. I asked if they have anything to drink, to which they had some tequila and coke, which I wasn't interested at first, so i took up an energy drink instead, i shared it with my brother because it was his, but pretty much downed it in a minute or two.
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After a while though, I thought that my last time with alcohol wasn't so bad, and since they were drinking, why shouldn't I?
so i asked for a glass, they instead offered me an already made mix with like 2.5 shots and coke. I finished it in a few sips, no reaction and was surprised at there being no kind of warm feeling, so I was happy.
I left, because it was i think 9 pm, and I wanted to try and make a video for žolinės (i forgot what it is, but it's a special event or something).
As I went out, I felt great, happy and just having a blast. Skateboarding fast, headphones on and just jamming to music while I go, I wasn't embarrassed about moving my arms a bit (not a lot, just like vibing I guess?).
I thought "huh, so this is why people become alcoholics", and laughed it off a bit. I ended up skating for around 30 minutes straight, without any breaks and didn't feel exhausted afterwards, I could feel some of my muscles hurting a lot, but i was filled with energy.
I first took a bath, because i felt disgusted in the amount of sweat I felt on myself, my face was as red as a tomato, and plus, nothing beats a cold shower after a hot day. Then I immediately started working on the video, which tired me out bit by bit, making me want to give up every second. I started at 10 pm and ended at 5 am, completely exhausted.
The next day I was awoken by my brother at 7 am, and whilst I didn't have a headache like I expected, I was pretty much an asshole while trying to wake up, my whole body was like a ragdoll (which it normally was if I was super exhausted). I kept repeating "i don't care", "go without me" when asked to get up and get ready because we're going to grandma's. He tried to kind of put a button up on me (which I normally wear), to which I kind of groaned, hating the feeling of how it rubbed off my skin. I took it off myself, finally waking up.
I got ready, shouting at my mom a few times because she kept repeating "get ready faster" or "i'm waiting" and things along the lines, because I can't remember exactly. But like, lady, I HEARD YOU THE FIRST TIME, WHY THE FUCK DO YOU NEED TO REPEAT THAT???
so yeah, we got in the car and now finally, i'm at my grandma's. We planned to first go swimming to a beach that's far away, but I said no, to exhausted and in general hating swimming, and fell asleep on the couch.
Now i'm awake, 1 am, writing because I've got nothing better to do in life.
Here's a lil drawing i made a few days ago: (IIS2E15 SPOILERS BEWARE)
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(i made her get therapy loll)
I think I forgot to mention, but I'm getting my emotions checked? (that's literally the way they explained it to me) next month, which is awesome. I hope I finally get diagnosed with adhd (which is less likely to happen), and or finally get some sort of help.
but ye, I think that's it for today, and I hope and wish not to live another day
